Changing Direction

From time to time, my car needs a tune-up. I've been driving my 2000 Ford escort since February 2006. I am currently sitting at mid-way motors while my tires get realigned.  It seems the socket that holds my headlights also needs replacing. All in all, I'm hopeful this tune-up doesn't cost me too much. 


A profound thought. I hope this doesn't cost too much. I somewhat associate that state of my vehicle with the state of my soul. If my mode of transportation needs a tune-up, perhaps my soul does to. Honestly, in six years, my car has treated my quite well. I admit I could take a bit better car of it. The floor is speckled with pieces of mud, dirt and rocks. There is dust all over the dashboard. My trunk has an assortment of items that really don't belong there year round, and the outside could use a washing. There is a crack in my back bumper and a dent in the driver side right behind the door. How does all this compare to my soul? Again, I hope it doesn't cost too much. 


I refer to Matthew Kelly's analogy of our soul's being like the back seat of our cars. If we toss items back there from time to time, you notice new things that seem out of place. But as we add more and more, the little things become less noticeable, until that cleaning that comes with the sacrament of reconciliation. I wonder how many seemingly tiny sins speckle my soul like the un-vacuumed floor of my car. Sins like pride, lack of kindness, apathy, negligence, etc.  Any big sin wouldn't look too terrible amongst all those. 


Not that I have any intent to make any big sins... regardless. I typed those first three paragraphs a few days ago. My absence from blogging is largely in part of my confusion, frustration, and the costly need for me to overcome the momentum of continuing on the same path to change direction. What direction? Honestly, I don't know yet. But I do know that I am resistant to change. However, when you reach the bottom of a hill, there is not always enough momentum to get you climbing again. The change of direction, the effort to begin a new climb is costing me an act of will and self-discipline; an alignment of my will with God's and some new headlights with which to see clearly. 


This season of Lent has been a bit of a doosey. I look forward to entering into Holy Week. 


p.s. Here is a link that was recently shared with me that might provide you will some intense Holy Week reflections, including Christ's interior sufferings during his Passion.


I believe in you, Lord,
when I cast out my nets one and one hundred times,
and I draw them in wet, empty, almost broken.
I believe that you test your chosen ones,
because when the seed is sunk down into the earth
then it can better take root in God.
I want to abandon myself to you,
that you may place me near you,as a seal on your heart.