On the Church's Teaching on Sexuality

A friend mentioned in a post something about conversing with a non-Catholic on the Church's teachings on sexuality. I intended to make a comment on that post, but instead came up with the following, mostly as a outline of a talk I've listened to multiple times.

Marriage and the Eucharist is a phenomenal talk by Christopher West who continuously strives to explain and understand Blessed Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. I've listened to it several times. In a nut-shell, this argument might help one to explain the church's teachings... Lord, help me, guide my words.

Let me also say I’m not trying to condemn anyone, rather, encourage you to learn the difference between the counterfeit love the devil strives to dupe us with and the reality of sacrificial love we are called to and demonstrated to us by Christ.

1 – As Catholics, our hearts may not yet be conformed to everything that the Catholic Church teaches. However, that is all the more reason to be Catholic, to receive grace by participation in the Sacraments and to grow in knowledge and understanding of the Truth.

2 - “The body and it alone, is capable of make visible what is invisible, the spiritual and the divine.” “Through our bodies, God make visible the spiritual mystery that we are.”  “Our bodies also make visible something of the invisible mystery of God.”

3 – We believe in a Trinitarian God who is often described in one word: Love. God is love. God is love in the very relationship of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God, for all eternity, is a living exchange of love. In order for love to be love, you have to have one who loves (Father), one who is loved (Son), and the relationship they share which is one of love (Holy Spirit).

4 - We can explain God’s love in four basic qualities; 1) FREE: Jesus says, “No one takes my life from me, I lay it down of my own accord.” [John 10:18], 2) TOTAL: unconditional, without reservation, Jesus gives us everything that he is. 3) FAITHFUL: “I am with you to the end of the age.” [Matthew 28:2] 4) FRUITFUL: “I came into the world that you might have life and have it to the full.” [John 12:10] If we are to image God’s love, our love must be these things.

5 - Marriage, a sacrament instituted by Christ is a foreshadowing of the Heavenly marriage feast that is to come, and an imitation of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Body of Christ. In other words, marriage and sex is not the greatest thing we can achieve on this earth. There is more joy and union to be had that is not of this world.

6 – Marriage is a lifelong commitment and goes much deeper than the ceremony of the wedding day. The vows taken by a couple must be a love that is 1) FREE, 2) TOTAL, 3) FAITHFUL, and d) FRUITFUL. The vows stated on the wedding day are consummated (made complete) by the participating couple when they participate in the marital act.  A couple is asked: Have you come here freely and without any reservation? Do you promise to be faithful until death? Do you promise to receive children lovingly from God? The wedding vows are a commitment to love your spouse as God loves. Marriage is meant to be a specific fulfillment of this commandment.  “Abide in my love, and love one another as I have loved you.”  (John 13:34)

7 - Love is expressed most completely in sexual union so much that it is true to the four basic qualities of God’s love. When husband and wife become one flesh, the words of their wedding vows become flesh. Speaking the language of the body in truth: are you speaking the language of your body truthfully? Language of the body is meant to be prophetic. A prophet is one who proclaims the mystery of God (Love) in human language.

Does an engaged couple having sex, does this act image God’s love, or does it not. It makes sense that why you shouldn’t be having sex before marriage if we understand sex as a renewal of the wedding vows. You don’t have any wedding vows to renew. You are saying something with your body that isn’t true.   

Marriage is an absolute prerequisite to having marital sex, but is no a guarantee. Even married people can have non-marital sex, being unfaithful to their wedding vows. Going through the motions can take away any one of the qualities of God’s love. Contraception: cancel out intentionally what the act means.

Love and the demands of love hurt. If we don’t think love involves suffering, we have not spent much time looking at a crucifix.

When we understand the Church’s teaching on sexuality is not a downer, but is meant to uphold our great dignity as men and women. It’s meant to uphold the meaning of love we are all looking for.  

An intentionally sterilized act of contraception – does this image God’s love? Most people don’t know what they are doing when they use contraception. Without knowing it, people who use contraception, say, with their bodies, “I prefer the momentary orgasm over the opportunity of participating in the inner life of the trinity.”

Giving up contraception does not mean having hundreds of children. Abstinence or abstaining from sex is not a violation of wedding vows. Abstaining can itself be an act of love. Seek out information about Natural Family Planning to learn more.

Be not afraid of the demands of love.

How can sex be better if the very source of love is not welcome there? 

Marriage	Eucharist
Husband and wife	Christ and His Church
Sign of the covenant of marriage	Sign of the new covenant
Consummates sacrament of marriage	Consummates union of Christ and the Church, sacramentally
Living out of wedding vows	Living out of baptismal promises
Summit of union of man and woman (if received worthily)	Source and  summit of union with Christ (if received worthily)
Meant to be a prayer, an offering of our bodies as a living sacrifice	Prayer of Thanksgiving and praise to the Father