I might have finally realized the difference between what I think I want to do and would be a good contribution to the world, and what it is that God is calling me to do. I have divine appointments to keep, work to do for the Kingdom, and joy comes in aligning my wants with what God wills for me. He created me for a purpose.
Teaching was and is a good thing, but it is not the purpose God has called me to, nor the reason he created me (I don't think). Three times yesterday I was asked if I think I will return to teaching. Each time, I said "I don't think so." I have a bit of a teacher in me, but it's not my dominate strength. My spiritual gifts lie in knowledge, intercession (prayer), faith, and service (giving). I'm a guardian inspector according to the Keirsey temperament assessment (also know as Myers-Briggs). God had to take me away from teaching in order to prepare me for and allow me to do what He wills. I have a job that pays the bills, and in turn I can leave work at work, and do His work outside of that particular environment. What exactly that is yet, I'm not sure. He's writing the story of my life, and helping me to get perspective on it. He's freeing me from the chains I've created for myself. I'm still learning what that purpose is and may never truly understand it (by divine providence to keep me from becoming proud). However, I can say I'm experiencing a new found zeal and love for our Lord and souls.
In the past two years or so, God has done much to grow me. In the last five years he has done a lot of work on this poor soul. I'm getting a glimpse of myself as He sees me, though that is often times still blurred by the way in which I see myself. I'm sorry for the vagueness of this post, but I'm wanting to share/commit to writing these thoughts floating around my head before I forget them. Matt Maher's song, Everything and Nothing started playing in my head yesterday morning, and I've listened to it over and over. And last night I heard a witness meditation titled, Lost and Found and Lost Again. All seems fitting for me at the present. I'll leave you with the lyrics. (Another song catching my attention of late is Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons.)
Come let us return to where we were
Back to knowing life and saving words
Back to where we heard redemption speak
Where You brought us to our knees
Come let us return to Eden's heart
Long before the fall, back to the start
Back before we covered up our sin
And took a second skin
Once upon a time
I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love
Come let us discover something new
Cause we're all pilgrims on a journey to the truth
We're all wanderers relying on a man
To help us understand
Cause everybody wants to see the proof
We're always tripping on our pride to get to You
So blessed are the ones who haven't seen
But still believe
Once upon a time
I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love
My heart is tin but love is real
I'm unconvinced by what I feel
No yellow bricks to pave this road
Oh, straight and narrow lead me home
Lead me home
I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
Oh, I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love
Everything and nothing
Everything and nothing
Everything and nothing but Your love
Nothing but Your love
Nothing but Your love
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