Drawing A Blank

I'm over due... Over due to share. Over due to write another blog. But, I'm drawing a blank. I have lots of little tidbits rumbling around in my head, but not many that will fit well together. Last time, I wrote about true purpose, and that the true purpose of my blog is to share my experiences of spiritual discernment. Perhaps this is where God wants me to begin.

I thank God that I am not the author of the story of humanity. I could not come up with any thing near as moving, touching, amazing, loving, humbling, (etc.) as our Creator can.  The way in which life happens for each of us, is beyond our control. When we accept this and turn that control over to God (who is really in control already, but waiting for our permission), amazing things will happen. 

Where does my story of discernment begin? I would suppose at birth. At this point, it is all God and my parents. I, Jackie, born and raised on a diversified farm in northern Marion county am the fifth of six kids. If there was ever a black sheep of the family, I would be it. Now I know, better put, I have learned, that we do not grow until we stop comparing ourselves to others. I think this situation is okay. Here are the comparisons: 

Siblings                                                       Me

Blue eyes                                             Brown eyes turned green

Taller than 5'10"                                 Only 5'6"

Born in the first half of the year       Born in the fall

Loads of common sense                     Greater knack for "book sense"

Never left the US (cept for Laura)   Been to Spain and Israel

Vo-Tech or Community College       Straight to K-State

Home bodies (for the most part)     Fair amount of traveling (in KS)

In the real-world a.k.a. working      Still in school

Why do I make this list? (You may be even more unique than I am when compared to your siblings.)  Well, even though I know that God has a unique story that he writes for each and every person, I cannot help but consider my great uncle, Fr. Paul. Yep. He is a priest, currently retired, but a priest all the same. That is his Vocation. Before I continue with Fr. Paul's story, let us establish a point. We are all called to the natural Vocation of wife and mother, or for men, husband and father. Some of us are called to the supernatural Vocation, where we live the natural in a supernatural way. By this I mean religious brothers, sisters, or priests.  Now, I am not sure how theologically sound I am when I say, priests are married to the Church; brothers, I'm not sure, and religious sisters are Brides of Christ. My point is that their Vocation is supernatural. 

Back to Fr. Paul. Someone once asked my grandpa if they always knew that his brother was going to become a priest. The response given was, no, but he was always different. 

He was always different. When I hear this, I immediately begin to think, "So, what is God calling me to?" Instead of freaking out, over time I have come to appreciate the discernment process. If you happened to read any of the link I posted last time, you know that the first few paragraph explain the discernment process, not as exploration of religious orders or diocesan retreats, but a conversation with our Creator. Here are the words used:

"The big problem with discernment, at least as many understand it, is this: it often turns what should be a vital conversation with God, the experience of the breath of God on one’s life, the stirring of our deepest and noblest aspirations, into a cold examination and spiritless calculation of risk, preferences and rewards, and the ceaseless rummaging for signs."   http://www.adorationsisters.org/called.html

Wow. I needed to go back and read that again. No I don't know yet what God is calling me to.  I am asking. But am I listening?

For drawing a blank, God sure has given me some words to share the beginning of my experience. I am ever in aww of our awesome God. 

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.