The World Needs Your Prayers

Tonight, I am blessed in a way to be so very aware of the need of prayer, of sacrifices, and selfless acts of love.  I spent a few solid hours with three incredible souls on Tuesday evening this past week. Our time was spent in the presence of our Eucharistic Lord and encouraging one another on our walk of life. Since then, and since long ago, and continuing on, a battle is raging - a battle for our souls. The rest of my week was tough, mentally and spiritually. I could sense an oppression, but for awhile, I considered it just a funk I was in. However, my dear roommate reminded it was the devil. Another friend told me to tell him to go to hell. Satan continues to ride my back and on occasions convinces me of a lie, even if just a half-truth. If he is doing it to me. It is likely he is doing it to you, too. 

Here are a couple of uplifting anecdotes and reflections I stumbled across throughout the week. 

First, a story about Fiorello LaGuardia, when mayor of New York City during the worst days of the Great Depression and all of WWII, sat in as judge at the police station one day. He heard the case of a citizen who had stolen a loaf of bread to feed their family. Being a just judge, and honest to the law, he charged the citizen a fine of ten dollars. Banging the gavel, he reached into his pocket and paid the fine then and there.  He in turn, told the crowd, for the crime of enacting laws and having an environment where a person has to steal to feed those entrusted to their care, you are each fined fifty cents. Forty-seven fifty was collected and given to the defendant. (for another version of the story, click here).

When reflecting on this story, I find that Christ is the judge who has paid the fine but we are the crowd who with the merit of our prayers and sacrifices make up for "...what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church, ..." (Colossians 1:24) Leading into this statement is: "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking..."    We own the fifty cent fine or rather the responsibility to care for our brothers and sisters in Christ, not only their bodily needs, but also their spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. 

In an Advent reflection I found while in Adoration later in the week, I read these words by William of St. Thierry:

"And this is clearly the reason: you first loved us so that we might love you – not because you needed our love, but because we could not be what you created us to be, except by loving you."

and later in the same excerpt:

"You know that this disposition could not be forced on men’s hearts, my God, since you created them; it must rather be elicited. And this, for the further reason that there is no freedom where there is compulsion, and where freedom is lacking, so too is righteousness."

I urge you, brothers and sisters, to love the Lord our God, and offer Him your prayers. We become what we were created to be by loving God - and in turn loving neighbor.  This is a blessing to be aware of, but also a call to greater charity, and greater responsibility toward our neighbors, our brothers and sisters. 

I leave you with this quote by St. Faustina, courtesy of a text from a friend:

"Prayer-A soul arms itself by prayer for all kinds of combat. In whatever state the soul may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must pray, or else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after his purity mus pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted must pray, or else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must pray so that it might rise again. There is no soul which is not bound to pray, for every single grace comes to the soul through prayers." - St. Faustina

Laity and Work

"To the laity:

There is no vocation more religious than work.  A Catholic layman or laywoman is someone who takes work seriously.  Only Christianity has given a religious meaning to work and recognizes the spiritual value of technological progress.

Your institution has as its aim the sanctification of one's life, while remaining in the world at one's place of work and profession: to live the Gospel in the world, while living immersed in the world, but in order to transform it and to redeem it with one's personal love for Christ. This is truly a great ideal."

I found this quote in the midst of transferring over pages and articles from an old diocesan website to a new website.  On the vocation page, this quote was of many from Pope John Paul II. I don't know that this post will tie well into that quote, but it has been on my mind most of today. 

Today I was extra tired from arising for an early morning event (5 am ladies Bible study), and thus more easily discouraged by little things throughout the day.  My melancholic temperament very often relies on the graces and perspective of a Seven Sorrows rosary; just a reminder that my sorrows are minimal compared to all Christ suffered for our salvation.  

The devil picked on me today.  Not that he doesn't most days, but I was particularly susceptible to his temptations this second Thursday of December.  And I didn't realize it til I was leaving work.  I could not stay on task.  With just over an hour left in the work day, my boss asked me,  "Klenda, how much did you work for me today?" half joking, but half serious.  Since I split my time in two departments he was kind of accusing me of spending my time in the wrong department.  However, that was not the case.  I could not focus well today at all. One conversation discouraged me around mid-morning and it was kind of down hill from there. (God's teaching me the emotional maturity to not have to rely on others to help cheer me up, but an acceptance of what is and a greater self-mastery.)  I could not get myself out of this funk.  

I can diagnose that sometimes I become too focused on the detail and forget the big picture. I can also recognize that a lack of results or fruit from my work is also very discouraging.  This is where the devil can get me down and beat me to stay down.  Now, how to overcome?  Of my own accord, I am not be able to.  I may need to accept the suffering of days like today and grunt on through the work I am called to do, allowing it to sanctify me and loving Christ in the midst of it. 

As I began my drive home this evening, I started my rosary for my every week Thursday intention. Grace showed me the recipients of my intention were in need of the merits earned from my struggles today. I don't know how exactly they were applied, or if I will ever. I trust someone else's day was better today through my struggles. 

I was very tempted to come home to take a nap, foregoing my original plans of a yoga class and a run (the cold discourages me from exercising...), however, if I can offer more graces by a fidelity to regular exercise, then bring it on.  

P.S. St. Therese of Lisieux did her best not to complain of the cold. Can you pray a "Blessed be God" every time you are tempted to wine about how cold you are this winter? 

Awe-spiration, my friends.  Pax vobis.

Solitude Seperate From Prayer

I am an introvert. I gain energy by spending time by myself and often will choose alone time over time spent with a group of people or in a crowd. In the last several weeks, I sense that I have been over stimulated by spending too much time with people (not a bad thing, but draining to me) which has hindered my peace and joy. One weekend I participated in TEC Congress. The next weekend my parents and my sister hosted a dozen people at their two houses in northern Marion county for a wedding both Friday and Saturday nights. This past weekend I attended the Midwest Catholic Family Conference.  All beautiful occasions. All include a lot of people.  All provided little opportunity for solitude. And the weekdays in between were not lackadaisical.

In these past few weeks, busy as they have been, I have sought prayer and have found prayer difficult, especially adoration. It was not until during and after the family conference I realized my need for solitude outside of prayer. I like to be left alone with my thoughts, to process them internally. Having done little of that in the past few weeks, I was drained, irritable, distancing myself from people and struggling spiritually. Fortunately, grace has helped me to become aware of my current state and need for a greater balance of solitude and community, and letting prayer be a part of both. 

Pray for me. Christ's peace. 

Everything and Nothing

I might have finally realized the difference between what I think I want to do and would be a good contribution to the world, and what it is that God is calling me to do. I have divine appointments to keep, work to do for the Kingdom, and joy comes in aligning my wants with what God wills for me. He created me for a purpose. 

Teaching was and is a good thing, but it is not the purpose God has called me to, nor the reason he created me (I don't think). Three times yesterday I was asked if I think I will return to teaching. Each time, I said "I don't think so." I have a bit of a teacher in me, but it's not my dominate strength. My spiritual gifts lie in knowledge, intercession (prayer), faith, and service (giving). I'm a guardian inspector according to the Keirsey temperament assessment (also know as Myers-Briggs). God had to take me away from teaching in order to prepare me for and allow me to do what He wills. I have a job that pays the bills, and in turn I can leave work at work, and do His work outside of that particular environment. What exactly that is yet, I'm not sure. He's writing the story of my life, and helping me to get perspective on it. He's freeing me from the chains I've created for myself. I'm still learning what that purpose is and may never truly understand it (by divine providence to keep me from becoming proud). However, I can say I'm experiencing a new found zeal and love for our Lord and souls. 

In the past two years or so, God has done much to grow me. In the last five years he has done a lot of work on this poor soul. I'm getting a glimpse of myself as He sees me, though that is often times still blurred by the way in which I see myself. I'm sorry for the vagueness of this post, but I'm wanting to share/commit to writing these thoughts floating around my head before I forget them. Matt Maher's song, Everything and Nothing started playing in my head yesterday morning, and I've listened to it over and over. And last night I heard a witness meditation titled, Lost and Found and Lost Again. All seems fitting for me at the present. I'll leave you with the lyrics. (Another song catching my attention of late is Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons.)

Come let us return to where we were
Back to knowing life and saving words
Back to where we heard redemption speak
Where You brought us to our knees

Come let us return to Eden's heart
Long before the fall, back to the start
Back before we covered up our sin
And took a second skin

Once upon a time
I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love

Come let us discover something new
Cause we're all pilgrims on a journey to the truth
We're all wanderers relying on a man
To help us understand

Cause everybody wants to see the proof
We're always tripping on our pride to get to You
So blessed are the ones who haven't seen
But still believe

Once upon a time
I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love

My heart is tin but love is real
I'm unconvinced by what I feel
No yellow bricks to pave this road
Oh, straight and narrow lead me home
Lead me home

I'm lost and found
I'm saved and drowned
I'm everything and nothing all at once
Oh, I'm so far gone
But I'm already home
With everything and nothing but Your love
Everything and nothing
Everything and nothing
Everything and nothing but Your love
Nothing but Your love
Nothing but Your love

Taking Ownership

How much more effort would we put into something if we owned it? 

This evening (last Saturday) I'm siting at the elevator with the third load of wheat I've brought in, since dad was finally able to get the combine going and get harvest started. The wheat is already on the dry side, but it is still yielding a pretty good test weight. I recognize numerous faces in the driver seats of other trucks, mostly due to my time as a waitress at Butch's Diner here in town in my early high school years. 

The demeanor of the gentlemen probing the trucks and handing out tickets, struck me. He says thank you as he hands you the ticket, but it's all words. His body language, his tone of voice, his lack of enthusiasm say to me, I'd rather be somewhere else or working with a different customer. As I drove away, noting that that kind of bugged me, I prayed, "Lord, bless him, help change me." Maybe he's got something going on that I have no idea about, or any sort of challenge that is not necessary or professional to bring up at work. Besides I tend to only see this person this time of year when I haul in wheat for harvest. 

I'm digressing. All this thought prompting me to be more aware of how the people interact with each day perceive me, especially those I'm calling for my job. Do I take ownership in the work I do. If I did a better job at owning my work, would I find more joy in it? 

In my continued search of how to best use my spiritual gifts (service, knowledge, intercession, faith, generosity), I'm tempted to ponder if there is really a place I belong or a specific job I'm meant to do. Now this is a dangerous train of thought and could easily pull me into the trap of "woe is me."  How does that glorify God? Rather, I can take the thought and direct it towards how can beat put my gifts to use where I am? Lord, help me find joy in the work I do each day.

My thoughts also jumped to, if I owned the property on which I lived, I might have more livelihood. Frank Hanna, in his book, "What Your Money Means and How to Use it Well," speaks of the value of individual ownership to the economy and society. This ownership ranges from businesses, homes, vehicles, land, etc..  He quotes Aristotle.

"Property should be private, but the use of it common; and the special business of the legislator is to create in men this benevolent disposition."

"Rather from time immemorial all successful societies have adopted private ownership because experience showed that it is generally the best way to draw forth from the earth the maximum benefit for the most people."

And Hanna paraphrases St. Thomas Aquinas: "... private ownership yields a society that is ultimately wealthier, ordered better, and more harmonious than one which doesn't allow private ownership."

I've just moved (yet again) to a house that I am renting with two other wonderful young women. I'm sure I will treat it much like my own, but there are somethings I won't do because it is not mine: put new organization selves in the closet to better use the space, paint walls, replace curtains that are faded but difficult to detach.

Pray for me. It seems God wants me to trust him even more.

Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

I belong to a group of persons who regularly participate in a three day retreat centered around the Paschal Mystery in which every individual encounters the person of Jesus Christ both in the Eucharist and the persons around them.  This last retreat that took place, I was not a participate or part of the team, rather I took part by offering prayers for the team and candidates, along with other members of the same community.  One of my roles was to offer a short meditation on how I am living out the Paschal Mystery in my fourth day, or life after having encountered Christ.  Part of this encounter is to recognize that we can willingly participate in the Paschal Mystery, the life, suffering, death and Resurrection of Christ, every day, or we can dismiss it and be passive about the events and tasks of each day. 

Yesterday, I was feeling very affirmed in being a daughter of God, recognizing my particular gifts and finally being more accepting of them than I have been in a long time.  I'm still learning what the best way to use those gifts might be, however, I've made progress.  Today, I recognize that once again, I am daily dying to self in hopes that Christ might be more alive in me.  It was brought to my attention this morning, a tendency I have to try to squeeze as much personal benefit out of a situation, when possible.  And it's not always intentional, but rather done in a more subconscious way - like a habit developed long ago, which will really take some work and living in the crucible of humiliation to eliminate from my selfish disposition. 

In the past, such acknowledgement of self-lacking would bring me first discomfort, and then distress, almost and often to the point of scruples.  I have strived for perfection for far too long and have much concern for appearance, a worldly trait I still possess.  Thanks Autumn for your FB post today:

"Appearance has become a standard. We have grown so numb to the realities of good and evil that lying and cheating have become almost universally accepted as necessary evils. So we tolerate them, as long as they are performed in the dim light of respectability." Socially acceptable =/= acceptable in the eyes of Christ. This breaks my heart on a daily basis. Be who GOD created you to be...

This undesirable trait has been deeply embedded within me for far too long, and in hindsight, I would say our good and gracious God knows this about me and has spent much time, especially this past year, to purge me of this worldliness.  Thus, in light of living out the Paschal Mystery, I recognize that this feeling of discomfort.  The drawing to my attention of my imperfections is not something I need to be so discouraged about, but rather recognize the discomfort and then call upon God to have mercy on me. It is our human concupiscence, our tendency toward sin and selfishness.  Fortunately, we have years and years to grow. We are not like angels, in that once we make a decision, it is infinite and cannot be changed.  Rather we humans have to learn things over and over and over again for them to become a part of who we are. 

While I still have room to grow, I am comfortable being uncomfortable; carrying my cross daily, recognizing that God is God and I am not, nor should I being trying to be (again not that I do it intentionally). I'm comfortable knowing that I have much worldliness and selfish tendencies to be purged. I pray God continues this good work He has begun in me. 

Sloth and the Noonday Devil

In light of my absense, I feel as though this post is very fitting to how I'm feeling. I've experienced the Noon-day Devil a time or two, and too often, he gets the best of me.

Stay the course!

http://blog.adw.org/2013/06/on-sloth-and-the-noonday-devil/

Poor In Spirit

"Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven." (Mt 5:3)

Spiritual Poverty as the Way to Open One's Heart to God Who is Knocking

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, [then] I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me." (Rev 3:20)

Open Wide the Door to Christ is the book the Missionaries of Charity were reading as part of the Thursday conferences when I arrived. I caught the last couple of chapters, I think. What I heard was enough to make the book stick with me and think I should like to pick it up and read it some day. I've had it in my possession for more than the past month and have only finally begun to read it. Here are a few quotes from what I've read, and I've only just begun. Though taken out of context, I hope they can shed some light on what it means to be poor in spirit. 


"- the reality that spiritual poverty is the only path that allows us to obtain the only true treasure worth living for, our complete union with and participation in the inner life of our Triune God." 

"We need to listen for God's patient knocking.  He waits for us to open the doors of our hearts so He can rescue us from the temporal prisons of our own design."

St. John of the Cross calls "spiritual poverty", the stripping of the soul from everything that is not God. 

God's knocking is His call to you to turn your head and fix the gaze of your soul in His direction. He wants to give you His heart and, in this way, fill the emptiness of your human heart which is greedy for garbage. 

He has to crush the barricades that surround the heart and reconstruct our interior selves such that our interior selves will be pleasing to Him, not to us. 

... the path to poverty entails turning our hearts away from the things to which we are attached so that we are not enslaved by them.

God desires to give you the freedom of spiritual poverty... (losing something - paraphrased) is His way of asking you to accept loss so that you may become poor and free for Him. 

At present, much of this sounds painful. Yet, we are taught to believe, through the examples of the saints, joy will come from all this. After all, we were not made for this world, but for eternity, for "participation in the inner life of our Triune God." Our reward is not to be had on earth, but to be stored up in heaven to be given to us when we arrive.  

I pray the beginning of your Lent is blessed, as "our Lenten penance may be more effective if we fail in our resolution than if we succeed, for its purpose is not to confirm us in our sense of virtue, but to bring home to us our radical need of salvation." "Jesus is Savior, but he will only save those who know their need for salvation."   - Mark Searle, the Spirit of Lent

Being a Sales Representative

I feel like a leper. As soon as people figure out that I’m not calling from a local location, and I work for a business where my sole job is to ask people if they want to advertise on a Catholic parish’s website, they get cold. Some people have a natural phobia of sales people. Some just don’t want to talk to a stranger. Others, well, I don’t know what to say about them.

There are points in my day where I don’t want to keep calling these businesses, because I am, eighty percent certain I’ll be rejected. Actually, they aren’t rejecting me and I cannot take this personally. They are rejecting the opportunity to advertise on a website. However, I’ve learned that doing what I don’t want to do is good for me and good for business. I have to sift out all the “no’s” to find the “yeses”. Most times that’s about one in sixty at this point, but hey, that’s what makes what I do challenging.

I didn’t like it for the first two weeks, I admit. Cold calling is not fun. But the environment in which I work, the people I get to have lunch with, and ping pong are all great. Being a Sponsorship Sales Representative is growing my mental toughness. I don’t want to call these people, but you know what, I can’t avoid it and there is no point in wasting my time. I’m better off just calling the people, and asking them if they would be interested in supporting a parish in this manner. Sometimes there is a grouch on the other end of the phone, sometimes there’s a little old lady who has squirrels and birds in her attic and a skunk under her house who is still very joyful about life. (I talked with her this morning. She never married and doesn’t have any kids, so there is no one to take care of her home except for her. The alterations lady in Kingman, if anyone is looking for a kind deed to do or an elderly person to go visit and spend time with.)

One of my realizations today, and I’ve been gradually discovering over the last three weeks, is that I can pray for the people I talk to, whether it be the couple who just took over a general store, the insurance man who is venturing out on his own, of just someone who might not be having the best of days, I can pray for these complete strangers. I may never know what comes of them or if my prayers and efforts have any effect on them, but nonetheless, I can pray for them. 

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 

Praying For Poverty

Sounds like something only a lunatic would do, right?

Then I guess I qualify. Ever since my time with the Missionaries of Charity, poverty, or growing in poverty has been a component of my daily prayer. First, in reflection of the Nativity, and the poverty Christ undertook to become like us. 

"No one, whether shepherd or wise man, can approach God here below except by kneeling before the manger at Bethlehem and adoring him hidden in the weakness of a new-born child." (CCC 563)

Second, in light of my own poverty. Once you've moved past material poverty, which in reality I still have many things, mostly useful things, you move on to spiritual poverty, social poverty, and sometimes intellectual poverty. Sounds like it could be painful, and in many ways it is. At the same time, there is so much beauty in this kind of poverty. One of the main lessons I'm still learning that I understand God to be teaching me is to find my worth in being a beloved daughter of God.  Not in what I do with my day, who I spend time with, or how I'm contribute to the work of the Church. 

I've been putting off writing a "Christmas letter" with the traditional updates of what's been going on in my life. Mostly I've been hoping to be able to include what my new place of employment will  be. However, it seems that God is continuing to humble me. The humiliation of telling people you are job searching or unemployed continues. As it does, he is increasing my receptivity, or my willingness to accept whatever it is he is preparing for me or preparing me for. There have been mountains and valleys especially throughout the past two months. God has given me just enough affirmation or direction to make it through the next few days or the next week. In the words of Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman:

"Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me."

Third, in understanding that NOTHING I do can hinder or change His love for me.  I am little and pray, like St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face, pray to love my littleness. I am nothing without Him. 1 John 4:19 states, "We love because he first loved us." He love us. Oh, how He love us. I need not have words, prayers, thoughts, or books when I go to visit Him in the Blessed Sacrament. However, this is often times my attitude towards prayer, towards my relationship with God. Too often, I do all the talking. Poverty of me. Blessed Teresa of Calcutta writes in No Greater Love,  

"We too are called to withdraw at certain intervals into deeper silence and aloneness with God, together as a community as well as personally. To be alone with Him, not with our books, thoughts, and memories but completely stripped of everything, to dwell lovingly in His presence - silent, empty, expectant, and motionless."

Thus He is growing my poverty in prayer as well. Should I stop praying for poverty? No, that's like saying I should stop praying for trust, or patience or humility, or for the grace to respond to grace.  As I continue to pray for poverty, there is no doubt that God will provide me with the grace, strength and opportunities for poverty.  St. Francis of Assisi says, "The opposite of love is possession."  Thus in my poverty, I am growing in love. "God is love."  (1 John 4:8,16)