You Are Human

It's been a difficult Saturday in some ways, and looking better yet in other ways. My intentions were to get started like a typical school day, rising at the same time and keeping my morning routines in hopes a developing habits that are easier to make happen. 

Hasn't happened. Imagine that. I made a trip to visit several stores today, not making any purchases, but mostly getting estimates for making electricity demonstration circuit boards for my agriculture power class. That process has been a bit stressful in itself this week. I look forward to having all the supplies and putting it all together; for it to be done. Mostly, I don't like being forced to realize how little I know about this subject. Yet, I am learning and it is good. I also walked through a furniture store, day-dreaming of purchasing a comfortable couch for a real home. Pair the furniture with all the home fixings of Lowe's and what do you get? A reminder to be patient for God's will to come to fruition in my life. All things in His time. (If it takes me ten years to pay off my college loans, I'm not going to being entering into a novitiate any time soon...)

After returning from my window shopping excursion, I sat down to lunch over some reading. Some how this turned into a two-hour nap on the couch. Ugh. I wanted to spend some time at school this afternoon planning for the coming weeks. While I still did spend some time at school, I came back to begin warming some leftovers for supper and to do dishes. While standing at the sink, beating myself up over my day, I finally told myself (or perhaps God was telling me), "Jackie, you are human. You are not perfect. Stop expecting so much of yourself." 

From the Imitation of Christ, Book 3, Chapter 57:3. "Keep yourself calm and even prepare yourself to undergo great suffering. All is not lost just because you find yourself often in trouble and grievously tempted. Remember, you are human and not God; you are flesh and blood and not an angel." 

 

We had a snow day on Thursday. God has proved time and time again that He gives me what I need when I need it. Did I need the snow day? I didn't think so, but maybe I did. Do I need rest today? I guess so. The other thing to remember - it's not all about me. Thursday gave me an opportunity to catch up on my "life to-do" list, not just my "school to-do" list. I made contact with a few people I had not talked to for a few weeks, made a few preparations for a bridal shower and checked off a bridesmaid to-do. I've not been very good about asking God what he wants me to put on my to-d0 list...

God, help me as I continue to strive for virtue, to grow in holiness, and to do your will. I praise you for all the promptings of grace you have given to me. Help me to be grateful for all your blessings. Aww-spiration.

St. Anthony

While this could be a wonderful post that describes the incredible life of St. Anthony, it is not...

Many of us have found ourselves muttering or maybe yelling the simple prayer:

St. Anthony, please come around
some thing is lost and needs to be found. 

Often times we'll replace the "some thing" with the actual lost item. We'll either be utterly frustrated for having misplaced our some thing, or calming trusting that St. Anthony will make the lost thing appear. 

As I was driving home from grocery shopping this evening, I chuckled to myself as I realized one of the events of my day (it has been quite a wonderful day). Out technology guru at school misplaced his keys, and spent quite awhile looking for them. They even announced over the intercom system that a set of keys had gone missing. Before I left for the day, I had not heard of their discovery. Why was I chuckling at this?

Because today is the memorial of St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost items. I had failed to say this simple prayer on behalf of our technology guru until the moment I realized the coincidence (providence) of the situation. Hopefully he will have his keys tomorrow.

Panicked and Terrified, Then What?

In light of keeping my sanity and not becoming completely engulfed in my new found responsibilities as, agricultural educator, I spent some time this evening reading a book. Yes, it is related to youth development. :) The title: "Generation iY Our Last Chance to Save Their Future" (Click to learn more)

Here is a brief anecdote from the last page I read this evening. Author Tim Elmore took his son on a trip to Minneapolis, MN and gave him a brief opportunity to try something new. Keep reading to see it as it is written...

        "On the last day of our four-day trip, I told Jonathan we were going to drive to one of the lakes in the area. We weren't going to do the Mall or a show. He knew something was up and wasn't sure if he liked it. I pulled into a parking lot in our rental care and stopped next to the lake. Then I turned to my son and gave him a bit of a shock.

        "Jonathon," I said, "let's trade places."

        I paused, then went on. "I want you to get behind the wheel of this car and drive around the parking lot a bit.

        Jonathan was stunned, especially because he is a bit of a rule keeper. "Dad - no! I am only twelve. I can't drive." I smiled and encouraged him that I would only have him drive around the parking lot for a few minutes. "Dad, I can't I am not big enough. This isn't good. Mom will not like this, Dad. Mom will not like this!"

        When I finally talked him into it, he slipped into the driver's seat with fear and trembling. He slowly backed up, trying to imitate all he had seen me do over the years. Then he began rounding the parking lot. Before long, he was having fun. He's a boy, and like most boys he found driving a car natural and enticing. He was actually quite good at it, though I did stop him after a few minutes.

        It was after this experience that a meaningful conversation ensued. I said, "Jonathan, how did you fee when you first took the wheel?"

        He was honest. He acknowledged that he'd felt panicked, terrified that he couldn't do it."But you found out you could do it after all, didn't you?" I said. 

        When he agreed, I went on. "Jonathan, those feelings are exactly what you'll be feeling as you enter manhood. You will think you can't do it, that you don't know what you are going, but you won't want anyone to know how you're feeling. Being a man is a lot like taking the wheel of a car. You are no longer a passenger in life. You are a driver, responsible for getting to a destination and getting your passengers safely there as well. Growing up means becoming a driver instead of a passenger."

Hmm. My situation is a bit different. I'm twenty-three, not twelve. I'm not driving, but rather teaching and learning how to be a lady living on my own.  And now, my students are the passengers. Two weeks ago I was terrified. Let me say that again, TERRIFIED. Fortunately, I was blessed to spend a few days in Hays for a Prayer and Action reunion and to bring in the new year. While in Hays, I confided in my summer teammates that I was fearful and afraid of the coming semester, and asked for extra prayers if they could spare them.  I've only had a few minutes of driving, or a few days of teaching, but most of the panic and terror has worn off. There is still so much to accomplish. As I leave school each day, I leave many tasks behind, knowing they will greet me again the next day when I return. 

I'm loving getting to know my students. I'm excited about the challenges to make a difference, providing them with autonomy and responsibility, and being both responsive and demanding an as authoritative figure in their lives. 

God knew what He was doing when He put me here. Blessed be God. Aww-spiration.

Trust You

Tonight I was hoping to spend a little more time with some of my college friends before they all head their separate ways and I begin my second week of being "a real human being" (as one of my friends has termed it). The snow accumulating outside has given us all an opportunity to stay inside and spend time with family (if you still live with family).

After returning from a trip to adoration, I'm blessed to spend my evening playing a list of songs relevant to my summer experiences while doing a little baking and mentally preparing myself for the coming week. One of the songs, "Trust You" by Brandon Heath caused me to think a little deeper... "You took your life and gave me yours... there is no reason why I shouldn't trust you with mine..."

As I am beginning this new chapter of my life, I find myself curious, excited, and nervous about the coming days, months, and years. Between the considerations of big purchases, ideas for getting involved in a local parish to help out with youth, and personal goals, I know I must trust God with my life. I knew this before, but tonight it sunk in deeper. When I try to take the lead, life tends to be a bit overwhelming. Not only that, but I often beat myself up when I do not measure up to my own expectations. But that's just it. When I follow myself as the leader, I falter. When I follow Christ, and trust Him with my life, He leads me where he wants me to be, now and in the years to come.

A prayer from one of my weekend events reminds me to love myself, but more importantly to love and trust God with my life. 

"When we love ourselves, we entrust ourselves to our self, to protect and nurture all that is true and good in us. When we love another person, we allow this person to have a certain power over our lives while still holding the responsibility to protect and nurture ourselves. In loving God, we allow God to nurture and protect us, especially, our spirit life."

I trust God will give me the opportunity to spend time with friends and family when I need it. I trust God will prompt me with His grace daily to perform the tasks required of my state of life. I trust God that his angels and saints are watching over and praying for all of us. I trust Him with my life.

St. Joseph, pray for us.

St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.