Being Childlike

One of the many lessons learned while spending my five weeks with the Missionaries of Charity was being childlike. The virtue of being childlike is that of obedience, or in the case of the consecrated religious, it is a vow they take. There is grace to be had in obedience. 

The homeless shelter that the MCs operate is a night shelter for women and children. One evening, when it was time for lights out and the ladies continued to talk, Sr. Marie opted to give the ladies a catechesis lesson in conforming ourselves to God's will. Responding to a question one of the ladies asked, she explained that when we have a question we should take it to prayer, study scripture, etc. But ultimately, she explained how when we obey, there is grace. Knowing now there is grace in obedience, there were numerous occasions where I felt very childlike, some times because of my poor choices, other times because of my lack of understanding, and others because I was given the grace to recognize that I am child of God. 

One evening, when I was still learning the schedule, I opted to pray Vespers by myself. Fortunately, Sr. Mercita noticed what I was doing and said in a stern but loving voice, "Divine Office will be at 7:30." She continued to look at me until I closed my breviary. Leaving, I felt like I had been kicked out of the chapel. A short while later, I found myself outside reading Abandonment to Divine Providence. It was a small change of heart, but the prayers with Srs. proved to be even more fruitful than it would have been by myself. And I needed to read from that book that evening. 

Any time I had to carry out or live out the rules of the shelter in regards to how I served the ladies was tough, as the rules weren't my own and I didn't understand the reasoning behind some of them. I was chastised a little and in a loving way for returning cell phones to the ladies five minutes too soon. Other times, I just forgot to remind the ladies of the rules, especially in regards to clean-up, laundry and dishes, because I wasn't yet used to them. 

On many occasions, I felt like a little kid when interacting with, serving beside, or talking to one of the MC sisters. They themselves have such childlike humility and obedience, one can't help but to experience it through them. Whether they were explaining something new to me, or something I had already heard from another sister.

From my journal: "I was such a child this morning. After setting out breakfast for the ladies and having heard the doorbell ring twice, as I was sweeping the floor of my room, I said in my mind, 'if mass time has changed, someone better tell me.' A short while later, Sr. Marie was calling my name. As I got to the chapel, I looked at my schedule to realize that the Wednesday morning mass is always at 6:30 instead of 7:00. Humbled."  God responded to my request, though I'm not so sure I deserved it. 

Another excerpt: "I'm such a little kid. I'm so eager to share myself with the sisters in many ways. This evening, for instance, I was responding to a letter that had been written to me on a Buca di Beppo menu, to which had been afixed a picture of the person's family and a Blessed Teresa of Calcutta holy card with a note "Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, guide Jackie." I had opted to spend that portion of my evening in the sacristy, the quietest place I could find in the shelter, honestly with hopes of being able to show one of the sisters should they happen to walk in..."

One of the volunteers with whom I spent one of my Fridays expressed to me the beauty of the vow of obedience. "To be told to do something, to stop what you are doing and go do it..." In some ways it is a freedom to not have to make your own decisions. Vita, the volunteer, also expressed how we should be obedient to the sisters when we are at the shelter or the soup kitchen and working with, for, and beside them. 

At one point in my experience, I was the pester-some child, asking God, "Why? But why? How? But How?" Have you even been or seen that little kid asking, "Why daddy, why?"

One Thursday evening, a couple of times I attempted to go to the chapel, but the door was locked. Thinking there had to be some reason, I decided I would not say night prayer with sisters, but would go ahead a get some sleep. Fortunately, Sr. Romero had come to give a new set of sheets to one of the ladies, during which she asked if I was coming to prayer, and invited me to join them for adoration from 11-12 that night. "Going to the chapel, I felt like I was-had been childish with a loved one, and was coming to make up or admit my fault." 

"How do you give Jesus love to love? By your confidence in Him." - I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee

"I think little children pleases their parents as much when they sleep as when they are awake." - St. Therese of Lisieux

"When we say: Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, we are asking him to make us obedient so that his will may be done in us as it is done in heaven by his angels."

Finally, I leave you with this prayer, in hopes that you, too, will grow in childlikeness and obedience. 

St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face: Teach us to follow your way of confidence and trust. Help us to realize that a Father's love watches over us each day of our lives. Give us your own faith and trust, so that we may walk in darkness as in the light, holding fast to the way of love, knowing as you did, that everything is grace. 

The Cost of Economy

is charity. How so? Let me explain.

An email is more efficient, but a letter sent by snail mail is so much more meaningful, especially if hand-written.

I'm not really coming up with any other examples at present. But think of situations or tasks by which something is made more efficient or cost effective. Now consider if that same situation or task eliminates time spent with another person, building character, or even the creation of something unique or original. 

In working alongside one of the volunteers who consistently help the Missionaries of Charity, she mentioned that Sisters are guided by charity not economy. The choice of love over the easy or cheap way. Hmm. 

Now dictionary.com defines charity as "benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity" As Christians, we know that charity, or love, is the third and greatest theological virtue.  A lot of people will consider charity to be that monetary gift to a group, organization, or even individual in need. But I challenge you to think of charity as the gift given without expecting anything in return. This gift can be in the form of time, talent, treasure, or material items.  I learned the hard way, awhile back, that one will be quickly disappointed if they expect all their acts of generosity, love, or even kindness to be reciprocated. 

Let's think in terms of the economy. I don't want to discredit means of mass production. There is a lot of benefit to it. But at what point do we begin to create junk in the name of cost effectiveness? How much better would our personal creations be - movies, photos, paintings, stories, music, etc - if we weren't used to so many replicas? The reasons originals cost so much is because they are that - originals. Handcrafted furniture is an example I can think of by which a person lives charity (goodwill toward humanity) by creating it, and in that they are hopefully living the authentic call of God's will. 

The cost of economy is also laziness. We often will choose the easy means over the quality and right means to accomplish a task or do what is needed. I'm guilty of this darn near every day, though on the farm, I've learned, this usually quickly back fires on you. An example (non-farm) would be what my family terms cardboard (frozen) pizza. It's not near as good as the hand made kinds but it sure is quick. 

How hindered are our relationships because we choose to communicate via text, e-mail, and occasionally, phone call? What would be the value of actually driving a distance to visit a friend, especially if a significant distance? Now I'll be the first to admit that I've been blessed with an abundance of freedom at present (that comes with its own cost), and have utilized a lot of that time to drive and visit a few friends here and there. Do we all have the freedom to do this? No. But it sure means a lot to a person when you do. 

Do you get my drift? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? I think this post is mostly a bunch of ramblings about some thing I might claim to know something about. As Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen would say, if there is anything good in this [post], it is of God. If there is anything terrible, it is of me. 

Even in need of His great mercy. God Bless.

Laity are Called to Be Holy, Too

"Are you sure you don't have a vocation to the religious life? It's a great life and would be worth it."

May God be praised. In the four weeks that I've been on the farm after my time spent in St. Louis, I've come to more fully process my experience, and as my spiritual director said, I've begun to learn how to listen to my heart. 

Time and time again, people have told me they sense I have a religious vocation. Thank you. But, also, no thank you. I'm not saying people shouldn't say that or that we should not encourage people to consider religious life. I'm saying that I let what other people say and think about me affect what I thought about myself and my vocation. We have to learn to distinguish between the voices we hear: God's, ours, the world's, and the devil's. Do we listen to the voice, correct the voice, or rebuke the voice? (simple lesson in spiritual direction...)

Yes, I can and am closing the door on discerning religious orders. I am called to live with a depth of holiness in the world. I think the reason so many people encouraged me towards the religious life is because, by God's grace and many gifts, I have a faith, a spirituality, a prayer life that is deeper than many people, so much so that it is odd or intimidating to them. Okay. So be it. It is not of my own accord, but by the will of God that I have been blessed so, and that He has given me the grace to accept it. Through many experiences, talks, conversations, and prayer, I've come to realize that just because you are called deeper into prayer and spirituality doesn't mean you are called to be a priest or religious. We need that kind of holiness in our laity. If you are prompted or think you are called, it does not hurt to check out a religious vocation.

The very first statement of this post is some thing that was said to me yesterday morning, by a priest I had just met. It once again made me question my vocation. Just a week prior, I had been so absolutely certain. The uncertainty continued to bug me a bit throughout the day. In the environment I was in, a CLAY retreat, I saw another laity, a father of four, striving to include the liturgy of the hours in his day. It was a reminder that that's the kind of holiness I want to strive for. Finally, on my drive home last night, I was once again certain that pursuing the religious vocation would not be following my own heart and the authentic me God is calling me to be, rather it would be following the expectations of the people around me.

The secular life of laity does not have to be an unholier life. Laity are called to be holy, too. 

St. Maria and St. Isidore, pray for us. 

Blessed Louis and Zélie Martin, pray for us.
Blessed Maria and Luigi Beltrame Quattrocchi, pray for us.

Not Just Responsibility, Rather Fidelity

"We can do no great things. Only small things with great love."
"God has not called me to be successful. He called me to be faithful."

These two quotes by Blessed Teresa of Calcutta are quite common and favorites of many. I'm particularly fond of them.

A great blessings recently bestowed on me was the opportunity to live out the charism of Mother Teresa over the course of five weeks, however poorly I may have done so. As a volunteer, I lived, prayed and worked along side six Missionary Sisters of Charity in their house in St. Louis. The results of which is much interior growth, parts of which I shall share through several blogs.

This morning (Friday), my dad had to grind a batch or two of grain for the livestock at home while I've been assigned to help my brother get started chopping and hauling silage. We're not started yet, as something is amiss with the chopper. That mechanical knowledge is beyond me and Phillip has taken it into his hands to fix it. Regardless, we each have a responsibility this morning. We can go about our tasks grudgingly and grumpy, or we can perform them out of love or fidelity. Love of what or whom? God of course. For it is He who placed each of us in this role this day, and so much more.

Our degree of fidelity is the extent to which we submit to or choose that which we are called to do, and how well we do it. I could consider driving silage truck to be mundane and perform my tasks poorly, by driving recklessly or spilling silage unnecessarily. Or I can choose to do this well, making it a prayer by finding ways to delight in that which I do, recite a rosary or two during my many eight mile round treks from field to trench, fast from snacking or sunflower seeds for an hour within the day, or simply find ways to be charitable to those with whom I work and offer up that which I desire not to do and do it any way.

That is one way it which we can apply fidelity. Another is that of our daily self-maintenance, if you will. God manifests Himself in the flesh and the flesh is the means by which we encounter God. While I could tangent this topic, the direction that I want to go is to care for our bodies, temples of the Holy Spirit, with fidelity.  Fidelity is faithfulness. How faithful are you to the simple tasks of brushing your teeth, washing your face, showering, eating regular healthy meals, doing your laundry? The list could continue.

In a recent post, I mentioned something about having to do things over and over, so we can learn from them. I described the monotony as a duty of love. We'll doing these things and doing these things with love is a means of practicing fidelity (and charity if done for another person). Such things are not just a responsibility. They are a call to fidelity, to faithfulness, to doing small things with great love.

September 5 was/is the feast day of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. During a mass in her honor, Auxiliary Bishop Rice (St. Louis) spoke especially of Mother Teresa's fidelity to Christ, and His call for her to love Him, for Himself; not for his gifts, the feelings He evoked or the consolations He offered. Love God for God. Blessed Teresa did, as have many, many saints before her.

When I recognize within myself a lack of willingness to brush my teeth or wash my face, I am convicted of my lack of love and my need to grow in and practice fidelity. In particular, last night, after seven plus hours of driving truck and then doing chores, I was reluctant to say my prayers amongst other things. I told Jesus He would have to do them through me for I knew in my weakness I would not be willing. Love never fails.

Thus, I challenge you to see your struggles as opportunities to grow in fidelity; in faithfulness and love. So much easier said than done.

In Christ.

Who Does This?

From Friday, September 21, 2012

I'm sitting on a bench in the yard of St. Alphonsus Catholic Church, popularly known as "The Rock." It's the private yard of the Redemptorists who live and work for this parish and diocese. The weather is beautiful, though a tiny bit on the chilly side.

The Missionaries of Charity (MCs) with whom I'm staying give me Friday's off. I do my best to get away from the Convent/homeless shelter/soup kitchen that are their facilities, else I would end up helping-working out of boredom or continual interruptions. The space isn't that big. In my third week of being here in St. Louis, I usually opt for a run, coffee, prayer, reading, journaling, and a nap, if possible. As the MCs include rest after lunch as part of their work day, a nap is currently a typical part of my day. Any of this that can be accomplished outside, I do because my outdoor time is limited and minimal compared to the farm.

More than anything, I'm grateful for this experience. I'm exposed to a different world, yet retain my willingness to share myself with an environment that is quick to take from anyone and everyone. Fortunately, my guides have more city-smarts than I do, and keep me safe. I venture out little and seldom on my own, less Fridays. Even then, I catch a ride to a safer part of St. Louis than the area immediately surrounding the convent.

Each day, I participate in the "ora and labora" of the Sisters. They graciously allow me to participate in their prayers, at least those cited in the chapel, and guide me through the tasks of the day, lest I've learned how to do them on my own. I have the title of house-mother of the shelter which serves ladies and children. My apostolate is that of setting out their breakfast in the mornings, cleaning the facilities when they've left for the day, and when not helping with the after school program, serving their evening meal. Laundry here is done by hand and sheets are to be washed once a week. The simplicity of this lifestyle is attractive, as is the infusion of prayer throughout the day. Can you imagine life without a microwave? It's rather pleasant.

This morning, I've browsed through the St. Louis Review, the newspaper of the Archdiocese of St. Louis and the recent edition of TIME magazine. I have yet to venture into The Rock, though I hope to spend much of my afternoon there before joining my friends and cousin for an evening meal. I knew few people in St. Louis. The few I know well are temporary residents, though I've met numerous more permanent residents, most of which volunteer with the MCs weekly or monthly.

Maybe more people than I know have components of this life as their daily routine. Maybe not. I feel incredibly blessed growing in relationship with God and understanding of myself (I hope). Two more weeks.

I wrote out a brief schedule of what I hoped to accomplish today in my planner. It's going totally different than I planned. It's like God's saying, "Don't get in too big of a hurry to start creating your own plans, already. Leave room for me to work in you, through you and with you."

In gratitude, may God Bless you today and always!

Life's Nuts

There have been many blessings, lessons, and discoveries made while living on the farm over the course of the past month. Here are a few: 
+My OCD comes from my dad: it really does matter if two light switches beside each other are both down when off the lights are off. I also get my onriness from him, if you've ever experienced that side of me. 
+There's an old drawer full of cards, letters, prayers cards and a Bohemian (Czech) prayer book, I stumbled across. Collecting these items and sending letters and cards is something my mom used to do quite regularly. I have a knack for similar happenings and items. 
+My affection for animals often gets the best of me. One evening, we were putting a sow in the farrowing house. I was trying to stay out to keep from getting smelly, having already showered that day. Averting smelling bad was not conducive to helping dad. There was also a kitten who has made its home among the pigs who I'd been trying to tame when I came around. As soon as dad grabbed the kitten and said here, I succumbed to my fear of having to shower again for the chance to hold the kitten. 
+The lifestyle is hard work yet so rewarding. More often than not, you can tell you've accomplished something each day, even if you have to do it again ten hours later, the next day, or in a few weeks. Feeding livestock is a prime example, as is mowing the lawn. The fruits of your labor are not realized instantly, but progress is made steadily. 
+Baby animals warm my heart! I picked up 501 baby chicks on Thursday of last week. While they typically arrive in the mail at the local post office, we ordered from a different hatchery this go around. Thus, I made the trek to Manhattan, with peeping all the way home. Dipping their beaks in water as I took them out of their carriers, I counted them. Before the end of the day, I'd spent a time watching them run around in their new home, their curious eyes exploring, their tiny feet running, often falling over to get right back up and a few being puddle ducks in the water. Part of that time was spent taking pictures, too. 
We've begun a bit a fall calving. A set of twins were born Saturday morning. The mom-cow took to one of the calves. My brother brought the other back to the homestead so we could bottle feed it. He's pretty darn cute, too. 
Sunday night, another sow farrowed - she had 15 piglets. These are my favorite, though pigs smell the worst of the animals on our farm. Before I realized it, I had spent a good forty minutes helping a tiny piglet find a nipple and get some milk, and putting a couple others under the heat lamp to find warmth. 
+While new animals aren't always around this often, I think that is one of the most rewarding things about the farm, for me anyway. 

I've been thinking about this post for awhile. My dad said he wasn't expecting that sow to pig until September 7. Saturday night, I told God it would be neat and a blessing if the piglets were born before I departed. He's given me some tremendous blessings lately. 

I don't know if there is really a point to this post, but I'm sharing none the less. 

I'm off to spent a month volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity. Pray for me. 

Baby Chicks Photoshoot

God's Patience and Our Silent Listening

From another author's blog:

AUGUST 23, 2012

Those Deep Places to which We are Called
There are deep places in the heart.  A vast and unexplored wilderness awaits us there, deep within our innermost being where neither thought nor feeling can penetrate.   The greater portion of the limitless frontiers the Creator has fashioned in the depths of the soul have yet to be glimpsed by humanity.

Those who desire God and dedicate themselves to seeking Him discover the deepest truth about their own existence.   They have the key that unlocks these hidden depths.   Desire alone takes us to this deepest center of our humanity, desire stepping out in faith, urged on by love.  This is because the Trinity dwells in this deepest center.

The Bridegroom dwells waiting for us in our innermost being, longing for us to seek Him, yearning to disclose Himself in irrevocable friendship.  This marks the greatness of our humanity, the fact that our Deliverer waits on us, believes in the goodness with which He fashioned us, and hopes in us unto death.  He who is love would not have it any other way.  The immensity of His tender presence is why it is His love and not our failures that define our lives.

Those who long for silence have been smitten by the Lord.  They hear divine whispers calling them to the profound depths of human existence and they simply cannot deny the One who longs for them any longer.  These beautiful souls gladly fulfill their obligations and duties given them by the bonds of friendship and justice, but they do so longing for a few minutes to devote themselves to seeking their Divine Friend with the whole effort of their soul.

They delight in spending time searching for Him within, in the deep places where He dwells.  Difficult though it might become, their devotion is never tiresome to them.  This is because when exercised even for just a few quickly passing moments, their devotion unleashed is intensely vulnerable to  pure and delicate living flames that do not destroy but catch everything up into beauty.
Posted by Anthony Lilles at 8/23/2012

The Mission of My Life

The Mission of My Life

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.

by John Henry Cardinal Newman

Bored With Life.

Not my writing, but a good read. Generally relevant to my current state...

Bored With Life?

Bored with Life? How the Notion of “Sloth” Can Help Us Today ~ Dr. Andrew Swafford ~ www.emotionalvirtue.com

As we’ve all experienced, the life of any given person is filled with moments of exuberant joy, as well as frustrating defeat, not to mention anguish and despair. Much of this, of course, concerns what happens to us—moments of good fortune, and all too often, tragedy; but there is also an aspect which flows from our interior life, an aspect which we have much more control of than we typically realize.

So here’s my wager: the human person can fall into deep despair only because the human person is first “made for more.” So often, we journey through life with prolonged periods of stagnation, moments where the lust for life runs dry—moments where we turn inward, falling into patterns of self-pity.

Here the notion of “sloth” can help us: sloth is a kind of “spiritual sadness,” a sorrow in the face of a spiritual good; it is a subtle awareness that I should be pursuing something greater, but it just appears too daunting—too far beyond my reach. Hence, sloth only makes sense because we are truly made for more; if we are made for more—if we are made for greatness, for the true, the good, and the beautiful, for something beyond what can be seen, touched, and heard—then it shouldn’t surprise us if we are left unfulfilled by the pursuit of pleasure, honor, social status, success or anything else that all too often determines the ebb and flow of our daily mood and happiness.  

Inevitably, we cannot remain in this state of sadness for long, so—as most of us know all too well—we turn to comforting “props,” often some kind of pleasure (such as “comfort foods”). Even pornography, or the pursuit of sexual encounters, can be related back to sloth: if we are unfulfilled at the depth of our being, we will inevitably seek fulfillment in other ways. At these moments, we get even more depressed, causing us to feel even worse about ourselves, and so the cycle continues.  

But we must look beyond the symptom to the disease—beyond the slide from purity to the recognition of the genuine emptiness in our soul. If we are made for more, then only something “more” will bring us joy; if we are made for more, then an inevitable sadness must follow if we order our lives around the pursuit of success, popularity, or becoming the object of another’s sexual desire. The spiritual tradition’s reflection upon sloth directs us to engage our deepest desires and our deepest selves, to harness the full dynamic of our emotional and spiritual energy, with the aim of ordering it toward the pursuit of genuine greatness.

To see the truth of this, consider any endeavor that you’ve ever found worthwhile: we all know that “you get out what you put in”; when you go “hard” at practice, you feel good about it. If we find ourselves “bored with life,” perhaps we could ask ourselves how much we’re really putting in. If we play the “game of life” with excellence, we will end in joy; but if we engage life half-heartedly, we will at some point find ourselves “bored with life,” and we will then seek to distract ourselves in order to alleviate the depth of our pain. It is for this reason that a life filled with “activity” can often be a subtle covering for sloth, since distractions keep us from recognizing the true “hole” in our heart. In our quiet moments, however, we can see that—really and truly—we are made for more; our true joy is the fruit of a life well-lived, and this much we have control over.

Monotony, Coffee, Anchors and St. Rose of Lima

This morning, I began to dwell on the monotony of my days. Granted they have only been regular, similar days for the past week and a half or so. This monotony kind of bugs me, in some ways. I'm more annoyed by having to sleep, pray, do chores, read, wash, eat, pray, do chores, eat, read/browse blogs and articles, paint, pray, do chores, clean up, cook, eat, do dishes, pray and sleep. Yet, there is good to creating routine. If we had to do something only once, would it develop within us habits or a duty of love?  

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am often hard on myself, which tends to be my source of stress. In fact, one of my dear brothers in Christ recently stated, 'time to be relieved of the "stress you've caused yourself" ' or something along those lines. He was speaking of a commitment I had almost gotten myself into that was obviously not something I was at peace about. It was good for taking a look at myself. (In terms of growing in knowledge of self, check out this blog.)

I digress. One of the ways in which I have been hard on myself is my coffee drinking habit. It's not something I have to have, though I think I rely on it more than I should. It might be one of the things that contribute to my remote apathy and attitude towards life as it being somewhat of a drudgery. I'm really not as pessimistic as I sound at present, only at times. 

After the Office of Readings this morning, some of the comments in the writings of St. Rose of Lima gave me more hope than I've had for the last several weeks.

“Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase."

Of course this makes sense. As I said before, this gave me hope. I really feel like I've been duped by the temptations of the devil of late, especially temptations of distraction from acting upon that which God is calling me to do. It's been exhausting, and I've about beaten myself up because of it. But in my humanness (blessed be God), I am humbled that I must rely upon God and his infinite grace to endure, to overcome, and to carry on. 

After mass this morning, I treated myself to a cup of coffee, something I denied myself yesterday. The smell was welcoming and enjoyable, and is usually better than the very sugary and fattening cup of creamer with a taste of coffee that I usually divulge in. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Rather, I saw it as something to be enjoyed.

A final note: I've been curious about the meaning of an anchor in terms of Christianity. St. Rose of Lime, St. Philomena, St. Clement are three saints depicted with an anchor. One meaning is that of a seafaring profession, the other that of HOPE. Hope, like an anchor. Hmm. I'll leave you this to muse one. Christ's peace. And enjoy the reading below. 

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From the writings of Saint Rose of Lima, virgin
(Ad medicum Castillo: edit. L. Getino, La Patrona de America, madrid 1928, pp. 54-55)

Let us know the love of Christ which surpasses all understanding

Our Lord and Savior lifted up his voice and said with incomparable majesty: “Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase. Let men take care not to stray and be deceived. This is the only true stairway to paradise, and without the cross they can find no road to climb to heaven.”

When I heard these words, a strong force came upon me and seemed to place me in the middle of a street, so that I might say in a loud voice to people of every age, sex and status: “Hear, O people; hear, O nations. I am warning you about the commandment of Christ by using words that came from his own lips: We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul.”

That same force strongly urged me to proclaim the beauty of divine grace. It pressed me so that my breath came slow and forced me to sweat and pant. I felt as if my soul could no longer be kept in the prison of the body, but that it had burst its chains and was free and alone and was going very swiftly through the whole world saying:

“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace. This is the reward and the final gain of patience. No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men.”

Check This Out

Check out this blog post... 

Pride, Riches, and Asceticism 

On the Church's Teaching on Sexuality

A friend mentioned in a post something about conversing with a non-Catholic on the Church's teachings on sexuality. I intended to make a comment on that post, but instead came up with the following, mostly as a outline of a talk I've listened to multiple times.

Marriage and the Eucharist is a phenomenal talk by Christopher West who continuously strives to explain and understand Blessed Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. I've listened to it several times. In a nut-shell, this argument might help one to explain the church's teachings... Lord, help me, guide my words.

Let me also say I’m not trying to condemn anyone, rather, encourage you to learn the difference between the counterfeit love the devil strives to dupe us with and the reality of sacrificial love we are called to and demonstrated to us by Christ.

1 – As Catholics, our hearts may not yet be conformed to everything that the Catholic Church teaches. However, that is all the more reason to be Catholic, to receive grace by participation in the Sacraments and to grow in knowledge and understanding of the Truth.

2 - “The body and it alone, is capable of make visible what is invisible, the spiritual and the divine.” “Through our bodies, God make visible the spiritual mystery that we are.”  “Our bodies also make visible something of the invisible mystery of God.”

3 – We believe in a Trinitarian God who is often described in one word: Love. God is love. God is love in the very relationship of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God, for all eternity, is a living exchange of love. In order for love to be love, you have to have one who loves (Father), one who is loved (Son), and the relationship they share which is one of love (Holy Spirit).

4 - We can explain God’s love in four basic qualities; 1) FREE: Jesus says, “No one takes my life from me, I lay it down of my own accord.” [John 10:18], 2) TOTAL: unconditional, without reservation, Jesus gives us everything that he is. 3) FAITHFUL: “I am with you to the end of the age.” [Matthew 28:2] 4) FRUITFUL: “I came into the world that you might have life and have it to the full.” [John 12:10] If we are to image God’s love, our love must be these things.

5 - Marriage, a sacrament instituted by Christ is a foreshadowing of the Heavenly marriage feast that is to come, and an imitation of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Body of Christ. In other words, marriage and sex is not the greatest thing we can achieve on this earth. There is more joy and union to be had that is not of this world.

6 – Marriage is a lifelong commitment and goes much deeper than the ceremony of the wedding day. The vows taken by a couple must be a love that is 1) FREE, 2) TOTAL, 3) FAITHFUL, and d) FRUITFUL. The vows stated on the wedding day are consummated (made complete) by the participating couple when they participate in the marital act.  A couple is asked: Have you come here freely and without any reservation? Do you promise to be faithful until death? Do you promise to receive children lovingly from God? The wedding vows are a commitment to love your spouse as God loves. Marriage is meant to be a specific fulfillment of this commandment.  “Abide in my love, and love one another as I have loved you.”  (John 13:34)

7 - Love is expressed most completely in sexual union so much that it is true to the four basic qualities of God’s love. When husband and wife become one flesh, the words of their wedding vows become flesh. Speaking the language of the body in truth: are you speaking the language of your body truthfully? Language of the body is meant to be prophetic. A prophet is one who proclaims the mystery of God (Love) in human language.

Does an engaged couple having sex, does this act image God’s love, or does it not. It makes sense that why you shouldn’t be having sex before marriage if we understand sex as a renewal of the wedding vows. You don’t have any wedding vows to renew. You are saying something with your body that isn’t true.   

Marriage is an absolute prerequisite to having marital sex, but is no a guarantee. Even married people can have non-marital sex, being unfaithful to their wedding vows. Going through the motions can take away any one of the qualities of God’s love. Contraception: cancel out intentionally what the act means.

Love and the demands of love hurt. If we don’t think love involves suffering, we have not spent much time looking at a crucifix.

When we understand the Church’s teaching on sexuality is not a downer, but is meant to uphold our great dignity as men and women. It’s meant to uphold the meaning of love we are all looking for.  

An intentionally sterilized act of contraception – does this image God’s love? Most people don’t know what they are doing when they use contraception. Without knowing it, people who use contraception, say, with their bodies, “I prefer the momentary orgasm over the opportunity of participating in the inner life of the trinity.”

Giving up contraception does not mean having hundreds of children. Abstinence or abstaining from sex is not a violation of wedding vows. Abstaining can itself be an act of love. Seek out information about Natural Family Planning to learn more.

Be not afraid of the demands of love.

How can sex be better if the very source of love is not welcome there? 

Marriage	Eucharist
Husband and wife	Christ and His Church
Sign of the covenant of marriage	Sign of the new covenant
Consummates sacrament of marriage	Consummates union of Christ and the Church, sacramentally
Living out of wedding vows	Living out of baptismal promises
Summit of union of man and woman (if received worthily)	Source and  summit of union with Christ (if received worthily)
Meant to be a prayer, an offering of our bodies as a living sacrifice	Prayer of Thanksgiving and praise to the Father

Not Conditioned for This

Farm life is farm life.

My mom has to have the greatest work ethic of anyone I know. Almost to a fault, at some points, but a great example, none the less. She's up at 5:00 every morning, outside to take care of the chickens and sows in the farrowing house before putting in a ten-hour work day at Cooperative Grain and Supply in Hillsboro. When arriving home, she again takes care of the chickens and pigs, in addition to preparing supper, washing anywhere from 800-1000 eggs, and then candling those eggs and sorting by size for sale. Everyday. Granted the weekends consist of delivering eggs to four-six different locations, usually on Saturday. This weekend also included a funeral of a community member and a polka dance celebration for 50th wedding anniversary for another beloved couple in the Pilsen area. Having attended Mass yesterday evening, my mom was set on painting today. (I still haven't really touched the house since my helpers left.)

While Laura and I went to Mass, mom painted. After dinner while the rest of us took naps, mom painted. I recognized the opportunity to be charitable and help mom right away after dinner, but I admit I was pretty weak and tired. She had been working on the sophet plate on the south and west sides of the house. When she was about to move to the north side, I finally jumped in and helped. 

One of the best things about a Prayer and Action experience is the conversations that take place throughout the work day. Mom, who really does like to paint, couldn't quite tear herself away yet and kept working with me on the north side of the house. We didn't talk a ton, but I haven't had good quality time with my mom like that in ages. I told her that perhaps one of the reasons I was at home now was to spend time with her. I did ask her a few questions, and enjoyed realizing some of her quirks. She spoke of how grandpa had instilled that work ethic within her. While she had sometimes tried to sleep in on the weekends, grandma would yell at her. Oh, family farm life. 

When I asked her the best thing about married life, her response was that of two things. She said the first and I asked if there were any others. One: not having to go through life alone and two: children; doing your best with them and depending on how they turn out, wishing, should they choose to have children of their own, that they get a kid just like they were. My mom has a lot of wisdom in her young years. She speaks seldom, which probably makes her words all the more profound. I admire her. 

In the few short weeks I have actually spent at home, less a short trip here and there, I've realized I'm not conditioned for the farm like I once was. If God wills for me to stick around here for awhile, which I kind of hope He does, perhaps I will be a bit more conditioned to the work ethic and patience of the farm life.

One more short story. Last Wednesday morning, I helped my papa sort and load hogs. I was impressed by his patience and a little embarrassed at the lack of my own. I also bucked a few bales when I retrieved some straw and brome from the sheds we keep them in for the chickens and horses. My brother Phillip and I spent a short while fixing fence that morning, too. That afternoon, I noticed a slight soreness in my forearms. Farm life is definitely going to exercise some muscles I haven't used in a while; physically, virtuously and socially. Pray I become more conditioned to all this.

Zits, Pimples, Acne

Last week I made a terrible mistake. Once in a while, when I am semi fed up with my skin, I'll take a pumice stone to my face. Yup, to my face. (Typically you use a pumice stone to remove dead skin, especially on the heal of your foot.) I did this last Thursday evening, possibly in attempt to remove more of the pig aroma settling into my skin from processing piglets. However, I failed to take care of my skin the next day. First, I did not wash my face in the morning before getting to work outside, leaving lots of oil sitting on fresh skin and open poors. Without a washing, my facial skin neither received sun-protective moisturizer. By he time afternoon rolled around, there was a slight pain in my face, due to the collected oil, dirt and slight sun-burn that had been acquired throughout the course of the day. Let's just say lots of zits developed on my face over the course of the weekend. Fortunately, they've since subsided and my face is not near as blotchy as it was.

At the beginning of the summer, I heard Fr. Gale give a homily during which he compared sins to acne or sits. As we don't want people to focus on the zits on our skin/face, so neither should we desire for them to see the blemishes on our souls, our sins. While I don't recall a lot else of what Fr. Gale said in that homily, I have dwelt on this topic just a bit more.

While I do my best not to pick at the zits on my face (yes, this is slightly embarrassing to type out and share, but bare with me), on occasions I do.  |Insert quote: "You'll have won a great battle if you lose the fear of letting yourself be known." -St. Josemaria Escriva |The temptation to pop a zit before it's ripe is much like the temptation to act or dwell upon an idea or plan out something the devil might be trying to get you to do. While I have much to learn on the discernment of spirits, one of my dear brothers enlightened me a bit on such a subject. At minimum, the devil, disguising himself as a angel of light will put forward into your thoughts (or thoughts shared by others), an idea. In my particular example, it twas a means by which I can serve. I'm sure this comparison can be applied on smaller or larger scales.

Another one of my dear brothers recently shared with me an idea for developing a Women's Discernment house of sorts in order to assist those young ladies who are discerning a vocation to the religious life. Basically a means to experience a life of community and formation without having to take the huge plunge of having sold all your belongings and having paid off all student loans. Sounds like a phenomenal idea. And, this past weekend at the Midwest Catholic Family Conference in Wichita, I heard numerous young adults speak of the challenges and difficulties that lie within women's discernment towards the religious life. When I first heard this idea, there was a part of me inside that screamed, "not me, not me." Yet, the idea was none-the-less appealing. This weekend provided more opportunity to further discuss and pray about how to go about carrying out said discernment house. Before parting ways, it dawned on me that none of the individuals conversing about this topic were on the same page. To me that was an indicator that a) I'm really not supposed to be a part of this and b) maybe this does not really need to happen, at least not yet, and c) not by such a young group of individuals. We think we know so much.

Thus, such temptations are like zits popping up on our skin. It is so tempting to pick at them or pop them. When you do, it leaves you with a scab or eventually scar tissue and the opportunity for more zits. I compare the discernment house to the double pimple on my right cheek this last weekend. If only I would have let it ripen before trying to squeeze the bacteria and dead cells out, I wouldn't have had such a monstrosity on my face for three straight days...

Oh well.
Lesson learned.  (take care of your skin and discern God's will)
Have a blessed day.

Update

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, 

In my absence from this blog, much has happened.

In early March, I submitted a letter of resignation to my administration and school board that I would not be returning to Inman to teach the following year. God was nudging me pretty hard on this one. Sticking out my last three months was a challenge to say the least.  From limited community and monotony in my teaching days, I had to rely upon God as my only strength to care enough to finish out the year strong. It would have been really easy to slack off and not really finish out the year. 

As soon as I returned a small group of students home from the Kansas FFA Convention, summer got going in a hurry. From Prayer and Action College Week in Hanover, Kansas, TEC 132 in Hutchinson, and jumping into the pioneer year of Prayer and Action Wichita, there were boundless opportunities for prayer and service, more so the latter which would not have been possible without the former. The summer was filled with many, many graces and blessings. Two weeks spent serving the Hutchinson community, a week break with an awesome Adoration event in Pilsen, KS, and two more weeks serving the people of Chanute culminated in many lives touched and many hearts changed, all for God's glory. 

Summer has flown by relatively fast, especially in comparison to the three months prior that seemed to drudge on to an end that seemingly would never come. Where did these past two months go? Wherever, they were very beautiful. 

After leaving Chanute, my newest team members and I traveled west to Copper Mountain in Colorado before beginning a journey back east. The car ride was especially enjoyable by means of the conversation, music, reading, and naps. We spent almost two whole days with the Saline Diocese Prayer and Action crowd in Goodland, Kansas, including in a tiny flashmob of "What is This?" in Walmart in the wee hours of the morning. As the rest of the crew continued towards Wichita, they left me in Colby, KS (by choice), commencing a weekend of the Bertrand ladies (roommates) from my senior year at K-State. We parted ways after Mass at St. Isidore's in Manhattan on Sunday. Since I had already been traveling, I continued on to Atchison to spend less than 24 hours with two of my former Prayer and Action teammates from 2010. 

When I finally made it home on Monday, I began the conversation and process of preparing to paint mom and dad's house here on the farm (where I currently reside). That was just over a week ago. Currently two sides of the house have a single coat of paint, a third has been prepped with caulking and has been wiped down. The fourth side has only been touch a little. And there it will sit for another five or so days before I pick up where my helpers and I left off.

Doesn't make for much of a letter, but a brief update with few insights. Christ's peace.

The Great Divorce

During Holy Week, I picked up The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. A high school friend of my had recently been raving about it when she saw I was toting around a copy.

In summary, the book distinguishes between heaven and hell. It takes the character through a series of encounters, basically angels trying to convince souls to let go of their attachments, to endure the pain of walking toward the hills, allowing their feet to harden and adjust. Some choose to return to their comfort in company, holding a grudge against God, or simply not recognizing that the environment around them is in deed heaven or at least the beginnings of heaven. Yes indeed, it is a great book. I believe it has been recommended by another one of my blogging friends who also share the excerpt about the Lizard on the man's should who the Angel offers to kill, with the permission of the man. If we will give God permission, if we surrender or ask for faith, understanding, and approach Him with rendered hearts, he will gladly comply.

Ultimately the meaning for my post is this. Will we recognize heaven when we stumble upon it? Or will we be so caught up in the here and now or the past to even acknowledge the beauty and reality in our midst. Can we become detached enough? Or rather, when will we become detached enough?

Easy read. I'm not the fastest of readers, but I took it all in within three hours. Continue to celebrate the Octave of Easter. Peace and joy in the Risen Christ!

Abandoned and Desensitized

Yesterday afternoon, I was blessed to attend daily mass. Between mass and the stations that followed, I gained an understanding of something some of my students might be experiencing. 


It amazes me how many young people today are unaware of their own language. They are a product of what they consume through music, movies, games, and any other types of media prominent in their lives. While disciplining high schoolers is one of my least favorite things to do and some thing I have yet to develop a knack for, it is a rule that you do ten pushups for every foul word spoken in my classroom. While the instances have grown to be fewer are far in between when I am around, I fear it is worse in other environments. Yet, when they do say something, they don't even realize they have said anything. I'll say their name in a stern voice, and their response will be, "What? What did I say?" If our young people today are so desensitized to their own language, I can only imagine how deep that de-sensitization goes in terms of morals, relationships and other unmentioned areas of their lives. 


What has caused these young people to be so consumed by their own yearning for consumption of media? Perhaps they feel abandoned. So many of the students I interact with today come from broken homes and families, divorced parents or single parent homes. In our petitions at mass, we prayed especially for those who have been, are experiencing or feeling abandoned. I admit I have felt a slight sense of being abandoned this spring semester, but not to the extent of those students who have been left by a parent, or don't receive the love and attention they should from a parent. 


In FCA this week, a student mentioned that Christ has experience every temptation we will ever experience. I've heard that before, but it never sunk in as much as it resonates within me now. Perhaps because I have been tempted in new ways this lenten season... See below for our FCA reflection piece. The focus of our discussion following was how we can really build and have an intimate relationship with Christ. Being desensitized doesn't allow for it. Neither does being abandoned. I see a new way in which I can pray for my students. Peace in Christ. 

Are You Too Busy For Christ? Keep The Christian Busy

Satan Called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his assembled demons he said:

"We cannot keep the Christians from going to church. We cannot keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We cannot even keep them from conservative values. Nevertheless, we can do something else. We can keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship with Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken. So, let them go to Church, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they cannot gain a relationship with God.

This is what I want you to do. Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection!"

"How shall we do this?" shouted the demons.

"Keep them busy with the non-essentials of live. Invent schemes to occupy their time." He answered.

"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow, borrow. Convince the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 to 7 days a week, 10-12 hour days, so they can afford their lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon their homes will offer no escape from the pressure of work.

Also: Super Stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that Still Small Voice.

Entice them to play the radio or C.D. player whenever they drive and to keep the TV, DVD, CD players, iPods, iPads and computers going constantly in their homes.

See to it that every store and restaurant in the world blares secular music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ.

Fill their coffee tables with secular magazines and newspapers.

Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day.

Invade their driving with bill boards.

Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, sweepstakes, mail order catalogs, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering, free products services and false hopes.

In their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week.

Do not let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead.

When they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions.

Let them be involved in soul-winning, but crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Christ in prayer. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of cause."

It was quite a convention. The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busy, busy, busy, and rush here and there.

Questions to ask your self:

Has the devil been successful in his scheme?

How about this definition for busy: Being Under Satan's Yoke

Changing Direction

From time to time, my car needs a tune-up. I've been driving my 2000 Ford escort since February 2006. I am currently sitting at mid-way motors while my tires get realigned.  It seems the socket that holds my headlights also needs replacing. All in all, I'm hopeful this tune-up doesn't cost me too much. 


A profound thought. I hope this doesn't cost too much. I somewhat associate that state of my vehicle with the state of my soul. If my mode of transportation needs a tune-up, perhaps my soul does to. Honestly, in six years, my car has treated my quite well. I admit I could take a bit better car of it. The floor is speckled with pieces of mud, dirt and rocks. There is dust all over the dashboard. My trunk has an assortment of items that really don't belong there year round, and the outside could use a washing. There is a crack in my back bumper and a dent in the driver side right behind the door. How does all this compare to my soul? Again, I hope it doesn't cost too much. 


I refer to Matthew Kelly's analogy of our soul's being like the back seat of our cars. If we toss items back there from time to time, you notice new things that seem out of place. But as we add more and more, the little things become less noticeable, until that cleaning that comes with the sacrament of reconciliation. I wonder how many seemingly tiny sins speckle my soul like the un-vacuumed floor of my car. Sins like pride, lack of kindness, apathy, negligence, etc.  Any big sin wouldn't look too terrible amongst all those. 


Not that I have any intent to make any big sins... regardless. I typed those first three paragraphs a few days ago. My absence from blogging is largely in part of my confusion, frustration, and the costly need for me to overcome the momentum of continuing on the same path to change direction. What direction? Honestly, I don't know yet. But I do know that I am resistant to change. However, when you reach the bottom of a hill, there is not always enough momentum to get you climbing again. The change of direction, the effort to begin a new climb is costing me an act of will and self-discipline; an alignment of my will with God's and some new headlights with which to see clearly. 


This season of Lent has been a bit of a doosey. I look forward to entering into Holy Week. 


p.s. Here is a link that was recently shared with me that might provide you will some intense Holy Week reflections, including Christ's interior sufferings during his Passion.


I believe in you, Lord,
when I cast out my nets one and one hundred times,
and I draw them in wet, empty, almost broken.
I believe that you test your chosen ones,
because when the seed is sunk down into the earth
then it can better take root in God.
I want to abandon myself to you,
that you may place me near you,as a seal on your heart. 

Temporarily

We are only here temporarily, in exile, to be tested in love...

There is No Duplicity In Him II

From Regnum Christi

March 2, 2012

Friday of the First Week of Lent

Father Alex Yeung, LC

Matthew 5:20-26

"I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the kingdom of heaven. You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, ´You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.´ But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ´Raqa,´ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ´You fool,´ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny."

Introductory Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank you for this time I can now spend with you. You constantly fill my life with so many blessings. How ungrateful I am at times! I wish to collaborate more perfectly in establishing your Kingdom on earth. I love you Lord, and with the help of your grace I will strive to become someone to whom any soul can come in order to discover your truth, your life, your love. Take my life, take this day and make it yours. Amen.

Petition: Father, help me to shun hypocrisy and seek true holiness.

1. Subjective Impressions: How much righteousness would it take to surpass that of the scribes and Pharisees? Not much, we suspect. Theirs was holiness in appearance only, which is to say no holiness. And what would one discover on the “inside” of such a soul? Plenty of self-deception; plenty of self-indulgent complacency in a subjective impression of holiness; a repugnant holier-than-thou demeanor. It’s easy enough for us to read the Gospel and wrinkle our noses at those bad ol’ Pharisees. In fact, it’s about as easy as telling ourselves that we could never come under the spell of our own subjective impression of holiness. That is why we must always be ready to examine ourselves, before Christ and with an acute awareness of our misery and limitations. Do I live my life engaged in a genuine pursuit of holiness or in a genuine pursuit of my own vanity and self-glorification?

2. Humility is the True Test of Holiness: Pride and personal holiness mix about as well as oil and water. Where our ego is, little if any room is left for God. What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ but to be someone who fills himself totally with God in order to bring him within the reach of everyone. But what union, grace or friendship with God can there be in a proud soul? What fervor, what degree of holiness? There is no possible compromise between God and a proud soul – either the soul would have to let go of itself, or God would have to stop being God.

3. Integrity is the Heart of the Matter: At the heart of genuine holiness is the virtue of integrity, a virtue rich in nuances and meaning. Integrity means being a person with only one face, a person who is the same on the inside and on the outside: “what you see is what you get”. Indeed, integrity is foundational for holiness, because it constitutes the very essence of personal honesty and sincerity, which are fundamental for the moral life and the seedbeds for a host of other virtues. In our pursuit of holiness, we should never tolerate duplicity of any kind in our behavior. We should avoid like the plague the least hint of ambivalence in our motivations, or incongruity between our thoughts, judgments, choices and actions. There can be no holiness without integrity. In fact, there can be no genuine human happiness unless it lies on the bedrock virtue of integrity.

Conversation with Christ: Lord Jesus, I want you to be the meaning and center of my entire life. Let me disappear and you appear more and more in my life so that, with a holiness that is genuine, humble and true, I will always be an instrument for the salvation of all people. Amen.

Resolution: I will take a hard look at my life to identify the areas where duplicity manifests itself and take a concrete step toward living with more integrity.