The Mission of My Life

The Mission of My Life

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.

by John Henry Cardinal Newman

Bored With Life.

Not my writing, but a good read. Generally relevant to my current state...

Bored With Life?

Bored with Life? How the Notion of “Sloth” Can Help Us Today ~ Dr. Andrew Swafford ~ www.emotionalvirtue.com

As we’ve all experienced, the life of any given person is filled with moments of exuberant joy, as well as frustrating defeat, not to mention anguish and despair. Much of this, of course, concerns what happens to us—moments of good fortune, and all too often, tragedy; but there is also an aspect which flows from our interior life, an aspect which we have much more control of than we typically realize.

So here’s my wager: the human person can fall into deep despair only because the human person is first “made for more.” So often, we journey through life with prolonged periods of stagnation, moments where the lust for life runs dry—moments where we turn inward, falling into patterns of self-pity.

Here the notion of “sloth” can help us: sloth is a kind of “spiritual sadness,” a sorrow in the face of a spiritual good; it is a subtle awareness that I should be pursuing something greater, but it just appears too daunting—too far beyond my reach. Hence, sloth only makes sense because we are truly made for more; if we are made for more—if we are made for greatness, for the true, the good, and the beautiful, for something beyond what can be seen, touched, and heard—then it shouldn’t surprise us if we are left unfulfilled by the pursuit of pleasure, honor, social status, success or anything else that all too often determines the ebb and flow of our daily mood and happiness.  

Inevitably, we cannot remain in this state of sadness for long, so—as most of us know all too well—we turn to comforting “props,” often some kind of pleasure (such as “comfort foods”). Even pornography, or the pursuit of sexual encounters, can be related back to sloth: if we are unfulfilled at the depth of our being, we will inevitably seek fulfillment in other ways. At these moments, we get even more depressed, causing us to feel even worse about ourselves, and so the cycle continues.  

But we must look beyond the symptom to the disease—beyond the slide from purity to the recognition of the genuine emptiness in our soul. If we are made for more, then only something “more” will bring us joy; if we are made for more, then an inevitable sadness must follow if we order our lives around the pursuit of success, popularity, or becoming the object of another’s sexual desire. The spiritual tradition’s reflection upon sloth directs us to engage our deepest desires and our deepest selves, to harness the full dynamic of our emotional and spiritual energy, with the aim of ordering it toward the pursuit of genuine greatness.

To see the truth of this, consider any endeavor that you’ve ever found worthwhile: we all know that “you get out what you put in”; when you go “hard” at practice, you feel good about it. If we find ourselves “bored with life,” perhaps we could ask ourselves how much we’re really putting in. If we play the “game of life” with excellence, we will end in joy; but if we engage life half-heartedly, we will at some point find ourselves “bored with life,” and we will then seek to distract ourselves in order to alleviate the depth of our pain. It is for this reason that a life filled with “activity” can often be a subtle covering for sloth, since distractions keep us from recognizing the true “hole” in our heart. In our quiet moments, however, we can see that—really and truly—we are made for more; our true joy is the fruit of a life well-lived, and this much we have control over.

Monotony, Coffee, Anchors and St. Rose of Lima

This morning, I began to dwell on the monotony of my days. Granted they have only been regular, similar days for the past week and a half or so. This monotony kind of bugs me, in some ways. I'm more annoyed by having to sleep, pray, do chores, read, wash, eat, pray, do chores, eat, read/browse blogs and articles, paint, pray, do chores, clean up, cook, eat, do dishes, pray and sleep. Yet, there is good to creating routine. If we had to do something only once, would it develop within us habits or a duty of love?  

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am often hard on myself, which tends to be my source of stress. In fact, one of my dear brothers in Christ recently stated, 'time to be relieved of the "stress you've caused yourself" ' or something along those lines. He was speaking of a commitment I had almost gotten myself into that was obviously not something I was at peace about. It was good for taking a look at myself. (In terms of growing in knowledge of self, check out this blog.)

I digress. One of the ways in which I have been hard on myself is my coffee drinking habit. It's not something I have to have, though I think I rely on it more than I should. It might be one of the things that contribute to my remote apathy and attitude towards life as it being somewhat of a drudgery. I'm really not as pessimistic as I sound at present, only at times. 

After the Office of Readings this morning, some of the comments in the writings of St. Rose of Lima gave me more hope than I've had for the last several weeks.

“Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase."

Of course this makes sense. As I said before, this gave me hope. I really feel like I've been duped by the temptations of the devil of late, especially temptations of distraction from acting upon that which God is calling me to do. It's been exhausting, and I've about beaten myself up because of it. But in my humanness (blessed be God), I am humbled that I must rely upon God and his infinite grace to endure, to overcome, and to carry on. 

After mass this morning, I treated myself to a cup of coffee, something I denied myself yesterday. The smell was welcoming and enjoyable, and is usually better than the very sugary and fattening cup of creamer with a taste of coffee that I usually divulge in. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Rather, I saw it as something to be enjoyed.

A final note: I've been curious about the meaning of an anchor in terms of Christianity. St. Rose of Lime, St. Philomena, St. Clement are three saints depicted with an anchor. One meaning is that of a seafaring profession, the other that of HOPE. Hope, like an anchor. Hmm. I'll leave you this to muse one. Christ's peace. And enjoy the reading below. 

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From the writings of Saint Rose of Lima, virgin
(Ad medicum Castillo: edit. L. Getino, La Patrona de America, madrid 1928, pp. 54-55)

Let us know the love of Christ which surpasses all understanding

Our Lord and Savior lifted up his voice and said with incomparable majesty: “Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase. Let men take care not to stray and be deceived. This is the only true stairway to paradise, and without the cross they can find no road to climb to heaven.”

When I heard these words, a strong force came upon me and seemed to place me in the middle of a street, so that I might say in a loud voice to people of every age, sex and status: “Hear, O people; hear, O nations. I am warning you about the commandment of Christ by using words that came from his own lips: We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul.”

That same force strongly urged me to proclaim the beauty of divine grace. It pressed me so that my breath came slow and forced me to sweat and pant. I felt as if my soul could no longer be kept in the prison of the body, but that it had burst its chains and was free and alone and was going very swiftly through the whole world saying:

“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace. This is the reward and the final gain of patience. No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men.”

Check This Out

Check out this blog post... 

Pride, Riches, and Asceticism 

On the Church's Teaching on Sexuality

A friend mentioned in a post something about conversing with a non-Catholic on the Church's teachings on sexuality. I intended to make a comment on that post, but instead came up with the following, mostly as a outline of a talk I've listened to multiple times.

Marriage and the Eucharist is a phenomenal talk by Christopher West who continuously strives to explain and understand Blessed Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. I've listened to it several times. In a nut-shell, this argument might help one to explain the church's teachings... Lord, help me, guide my words.

Let me also say I’m not trying to condemn anyone, rather, encourage you to learn the difference between the counterfeit love the devil strives to dupe us with and the reality of sacrificial love we are called to and demonstrated to us by Christ.

1 – As Catholics, our hearts may not yet be conformed to everything that the Catholic Church teaches. However, that is all the more reason to be Catholic, to receive grace by participation in the Sacraments and to grow in knowledge and understanding of the Truth.

2 - “The body and it alone, is capable of make visible what is invisible, the spiritual and the divine.” “Through our bodies, God make visible the spiritual mystery that we are.”  “Our bodies also make visible something of the invisible mystery of God.”

3 – We believe in a Trinitarian God who is often described in one word: Love. God is love. God is love in the very relationship of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God, for all eternity, is a living exchange of love. In order for love to be love, you have to have one who loves (Father), one who is loved (Son), and the relationship they share which is one of love (Holy Spirit).

4 - We can explain God’s love in four basic qualities; 1) FREE: Jesus says, “No one takes my life from me, I lay it down of my own accord.” [John 10:18], 2) TOTAL: unconditional, without reservation, Jesus gives us everything that he is. 3) FAITHFUL: “I am with you to the end of the age.” [Matthew 28:2] 4) FRUITFUL: “I came into the world that you might have life and have it to the full.” [John 12:10] If we are to image God’s love, our love must be these things.

5 - Marriage, a sacrament instituted by Christ is a foreshadowing of the Heavenly marriage feast that is to come, and an imitation of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Body of Christ. In other words, marriage and sex is not the greatest thing we can achieve on this earth. There is more joy and union to be had that is not of this world.

6 – Marriage is a lifelong commitment and goes much deeper than the ceremony of the wedding day. The vows taken by a couple must be a love that is 1) FREE, 2) TOTAL, 3) FAITHFUL, and d) FRUITFUL. The vows stated on the wedding day are consummated (made complete) by the participating couple when they participate in the marital act.  A couple is asked: Have you come here freely and without any reservation? Do you promise to be faithful until death? Do you promise to receive children lovingly from God? The wedding vows are a commitment to love your spouse as God loves. Marriage is meant to be a specific fulfillment of this commandment.  “Abide in my love, and love one another as I have loved you.”  (John 13:34)

7 - Love is expressed most completely in sexual union so much that it is true to the four basic qualities of God’s love. When husband and wife become one flesh, the words of their wedding vows become flesh. Speaking the language of the body in truth: are you speaking the language of your body truthfully? Language of the body is meant to be prophetic. A prophet is one who proclaims the mystery of God (Love) in human language.

Does an engaged couple having sex, does this act image God’s love, or does it not. It makes sense that why you shouldn’t be having sex before marriage if we understand sex as a renewal of the wedding vows. You don’t have any wedding vows to renew. You are saying something with your body that isn’t true.   

Marriage is an absolute prerequisite to having marital sex, but is no a guarantee. Even married people can have non-marital sex, being unfaithful to their wedding vows. Going through the motions can take away any one of the qualities of God’s love. Contraception: cancel out intentionally what the act means.

Love and the demands of love hurt. If we don’t think love involves suffering, we have not spent much time looking at a crucifix.

When we understand the Church’s teaching on sexuality is not a downer, but is meant to uphold our great dignity as men and women. It’s meant to uphold the meaning of love we are all looking for.  

An intentionally sterilized act of contraception – does this image God’s love? Most people don’t know what they are doing when they use contraception. Without knowing it, people who use contraception, say, with their bodies, “I prefer the momentary orgasm over the opportunity of participating in the inner life of the trinity.”

Giving up contraception does not mean having hundreds of children. Abstinence or abstaining from sex is not a violation of wedding vows. Abstaining can itself be an act of love. Seek out information about Natural Family Planning to learn more.

Be not afraid of the demands of love.

How can sex be better if the very source of love is not welcome there? 

Marriage	Eucharist
Husband and wife	Christ and His Church
Sign of the covenant of marriage	Sign of the new covenant
Consummates sacrament of marriage	Consummates union of Christ and the Church, sacramentally
Living out of wedding vows	Living out of baptismal promises
Summit of union of man and woman (if received worthily)	Source and  summit of union with Christ (if received worthily)
Meant to be a prayer, an offering of our bodies as a living sacrifice	Prayer of Thanksgiving and praise to the Father

Not Conditioned for This

Farm life is farm life.

My mom has to have the greatest work ethic of anyone I know. Almost to a fault, at some points, but a great example, none the less. She's up at 5:00 every morning, outside to take care of the chickens and sows in the farrowing house before putting in a ten-hour work day at Cooperative Grain and Supply in Hillsboro. When arriving home, she again takes care of the chickens and pigs, in addition to preparing supper, washing anywhere from 800-1000 eggs, and then candling those eggs and sorting by size for sale. Everyday. Granted the weekends consist of delivering eggs to four-six different locations, usually on Saturday. This weekend also included a funeral of a community member and a polka dance celebration for 50th wedding anniversary for another beloved couple in the Pilsen area. Having attended Mass yesterday evening, my mom was set on painting today. (I still haven't really touched the house since my helpers left.)

While Laura and I went to Mass, mom painted. After dinner while the rest of us took naps, mom painted. I recognized the opportunity to be charitable and help mom right away after dinner, but I admit I was pretty weak and tired. She had been working on the sophet plate on the south and west sides of the house. When she was about to move to the north side, I finally jumped in and helped. 

One of the best things about a Prayer and Action experience is the conversations that take place throughout the work day. Mom, who really does like to paint, couldn't quite tear herself away yet and kept working with me on the north side of the house. We didn't talk a ton, but I haven't had good quality time with my mom like that in ages. I told her that perhaps one of the reasons I was at home now was to spend time with her. I did ask her a few questions, and enjoyed realizing some of her quirks. She spoke of how grandpa had instilled that work ethic within her. While she had sometimes tried to sleep in on the weekends, grandma would yell at her. Oh, family farm life. 

When I asked her the best thing about married life, her response was that of two things. She said the first and I asked if there were any others. One: not having to go through life alone and two: children; doing your best with them and depending on how they turn out, wishing, should they choose to have children of their own, that they get a kid just like they were. My mom has a lot of wisdom in her young years. She speaks seldom, which probably makes her words all the more profound. I admire her. 

In the few short weeks I have actually spent at home, less a short trip here and there, I've realized I'm not conditioned for the farm like I once was. If God wills for me to stick around here for awhile, which I kind of hope He does, perhaps I will be a bit more conditioned to the work ethic and patience of the farm life.

One more short story. Last Wednesday morning, I helped my papa sort and load hogs. I was impressed by his patience and a little embarrassed at the lack of my own. I also bucked a few bales when I retrieved some straw and brome from the sheds we keep them in for the chickens and horses. My brother Phillip and I spent a short while fixing fence that morning, too. That afternoon, I noticed a slight soreness in my forearms. Farm life is definitely going to exercise some muscles I haven't used in a while; physically, virtuously and socially. Pray I become more conditioned to all this.

Zits, Pimples, Acne

Last week I made a terrible mistake. Once in a while, when I am semi fed up with my skin, I'll take a pumice stone to my face. Yup, to my face. (Typically you use a pumice stone to remove dead skin, especially on the heal of your foot.) I did this last Thursday evening, possibly in attempt to remove more of the pig aroma settling into my skin from processing piglets. However, I failed to take care of my skin the next day. First, I did not wash my face in the morning before getting to work outside, leaving lots of oil sitting on fresh skin and open poors. Without a washing, my facial skin neither received sun-protective moisturizer. By he time afternoon rolled around, there was a slight pain in my face, due to the collected oil, dirt and slight sun-burn that had been acquired throughout the course of the day. Let's just say lots of zits developed on my face over the course of the weekend. Fortunately, they've since subsided and my face is not near as blotchy as it was.

At the beginning of the summer, I heard Fr. Gale give a homily during which he compared sins to acne or sits. As we don't want people to focus on the zits on our skin/face, so neither should we desire for them to see the blemishes on our souls, our sins. While I don't recall a lot else of what Fr. Gale said in that homily, I have dwelt on this topic just a bit more.

While I do my best not to pick at the zits on my face (yes, this is slightly embarrassing to type out and share, but bare with me), on occasions I do.  |Insert quote: "You'll have won a great battle if you lose the fear of letting yourself be known." -St. Josemaria Escriva |The temptation to pop a zit before it's ripe is much like the temptation to act or dwell upon an idea or plan out something the devil might be trying to get you to do. While I have much to learn on the discernment of spirits, one of my dear brothers enlightened me a bit on such a subject. At minimum, the devil, disguising himself as a angel of light will put forward into your thoughts (or thoughts shared by others), an idea. In my particular example, it twas a means by which I can serve. I'm sure this comparison can be applied on smaller or larger scales.

Another one of my dear brothers recently shared with me an idea for developing a Women's Discernment house of sorts in order to assist those young ladies who are discerning a vocation to the religious life. Basically a means to experience a life of community and formation without having to take the huge plunge of having sold all your belongings and having paid off all student loans. Sounds like a phenomenal idea. And, this past weekend at the Midwest Catholic Family Conference in Wichita, I heard numerous young adults speak of the challenges and difficulties that lie within women's discernment towards the religious life. When I first heard this idea, there was a part of me inside that screamed, "not me, not me." Yet, the idea was none-the-less appealing. This weekend provided more opportunity to further discuss and pray about how to go about carrying out said discernment house. Before parting ways, it dawned on me that none of the individuals conversing about this topic were on the same page. To me that was an indicator that a) I'm really not supposed to be a part of this and b) maybe this does not really need to happen, at least not yet, and c) not by such a young group of individuals. We think we know so much.

Thus, such temptations are like zits popping up on our skin. It is so tempting to pick at them or pop them. When you do, it leaves you with a scab or eventually scar tissue and the opportunity for more zits. I compare the discernment house to the double pimple on my right cheek this last weekend. If only I would have let it ripen before trying to squeeze the bacteria and dead cells out, I wouldn't have had such a monstrosity on my face for three straight days...

Oh well.
Lesson learned.  (take care of your skin and discern God's will)
Have a blessed day.

Update

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, 

In my absence from this blog, much has happened.

In early March, I submitted a letter of resignation to my administration and school board that I would not be returning to Inman to teach the following year. God was nudging me pretty hard on this one. Sticking out my last three months was a challenge to say the least.  From limited community and monotony in my teaching days, I had to rely upon God as my only strength to care enough to finish out the year strong. It would have been really easy to slack off and not really finish out the year. 

As soon as I returned a small group of students home from the Kansas FFA Convention, summer got going in a hurry. From Prayer and Action College Week in Hanover, Kansas, TEC 132 in Hutchinson, and jumping into the pioneer year of Prayer and Action Wichita, there were boundless opportunities for prayer and service, more so the latter which would not have been possible without the former. The summer was filled with many, many graces and blessings. Two weeks spent serving the Hutchinson community, a week break with an awesome Adoration event in Pilsen, KS, and two more weeks serving the people of Chanute culminated in many lives touched and many hearts changed, all for God's glory. 

Summer has flown by relatively fast, especially in comparison to the three months prior that seemed to drudge on to an end that seemingly would never come. Where did these past two months go? Wherever, they were very beautiful. 

After leaving Chanute, my newest team members and I traveled west to Copper Mountain in Colorado before beginning a journey back east. The car ride was especially enjoyable by means of the conversation, music, reading, and naps. We spent almost two whole days with the Saline Diocese Prayer and Action crowd in Goodland, Kansas, including in a tiny flashmob of "What is This?" in Walmart in the wee hours of the morning. As the rest of the crew continued towards Wichita, they left me in Colby, KS (by choice), commencing a weekend of the Bertrand ladies (roommates) from my senior year at K-State. We parted ways after Mass at St. Isidore's in Manhattan on Sunday. Since I had already been traveling, I continued on to Atchison to spend less than 24 hours with two of my former Prayer and Action teammates from 2010. 

When I finally made it home on Monday, I began the conversation and process of preparing to paint mom and dad's house here on the farm (where I currently reside). That was just over a week ago. Currently two sides of the house have a single coat of paint, a third has been prepped with caulking and has been wiped down. The fourth side has only been touch a little. And there it will sit for another five or so days before I pick up where my helpers and I left off.

Doesn't make for much of a letter, but a brief update with few insights. Christ's peace.