Loyalty

From Real Simple magazine - February 2012 issue.


Q & A article: What is the most important trait in a spouse?


"Above all, my husband values loyalty. He knows that if the grass looks greener on the other side, it just means that we need to water our own lawn more often."


So very applicable to so many of life's situations.  Apply it. 

Are You Being Tested

From an e-mail I receive called Morning Tea...

"Test me, O Lord… examine my heart and my mind." (Psalm 26:2 NIV)

Are you going through a test?  Tests demonstrate what you've learned.  Until you're tested you really don't know what you know - and what you don't know.  Tests are opportunities to prove your maturity and your potential.
So remember: (a) you'll experience tests at each stage of your growth; (b) your goal in each case should be to pass the test, otherwise you get to take it again and again until you get it right; (c) testing always precedes promotion.  Actually, it prepares you for it and proves you're ready to handle it.  If you cheat, or try to copy somebody else's answers you may temporarily seem to succeed.  But eventually time and circumstances will reveal you for what you are - someone who can't handle what you manipulated your way into getting; (d) self-promotion can never replace divine promotion.  So don't rush ahead of God; wait, allow Him to open the door; (e) a product cannot be safely and profitably used until it's been thoroughly tested.  Neither can you.
God's not a hard-hearted parent who enjoys seeing His children struggle through life's tests.  If He were to visit you in person He'd probably say:"I don't enjoy making you go through this, but it's the only way to prove you're ready for what's ahead.  Before I can use you greatly - I must test you thoroughly."  Generally God's tests are about your character.  And like any good actor in a stage play that doesn't go according to the script, your job is to "stay in character!"  Regardless of what anyone else does, follow God's script for your life.

Russian Folk Tale

A Russian folk tale tells of a beggar woman who owned just one thing in this world - a potato - which she gripped close to her at all times. The devil came by, saw the potato, and grabbed hold of one end of it. 

"Let go of my potato!" screamed the woman, and clutched it tighter.

The devil tightened his grip and headed on down to Hell with it.

"Let go of my potato!" the old woman screamed again, and was dragged all the way into hell.

It wasn't the number or value of her possessions that condemned her; it was that she valued her one material possession more than she valued her life and her soul.  

What possessions are you clutching tightly? - ideals, perceptions, aspirations, material items. Let go and Let God.

Your Discernment is Not Complete

These are the words that were on my heart as I returned to Inman the evening of Saturday, Janaury 7. How did I get to this point? It is quite the story.

I've been meeting with a spiritual director since August. He has been great at helping me to understand life, my transitional state, and how God is ever present. As I met with Father right after Thanksgiving, I shared with him my journal-ed conversation with God from February, from which I received a push, rather the permission to take action. 

Thanksgiving break found me sick on the couch for about 24 hours, doing a lot of thinking. I arrived home for break wanting to quit teaching, knowing I have a contract through May to fulfill, I considered options for fall of 2012. Pursue a masters? Enter an order? Try another school? My train of thought pondered the order idea. I've been discerning for quite some time, often considering the religious vocation, but never really taking any steps to pursue such a life.  I have limited options for determining what order to enter in less than a year. Yes, I convinced myself this has to be it. Christmas break, and spring break is about all the free time I have, as weekends are pretty limited if I want to travel.

Thus after meeting with Father (Tuesday, Nov. 29), I spent a day or two choosing what order. Actually, I really didn't give myself any other options, selecting the Pink Sisters (Holy Spirit Adoration Sisters), to finally see what they are all about. By Sunday (Dec. 4), I had contacted Sister Mary Rebecca,  By the 11th, I had my train ticket to St. Louis purchased.  I met with Father one more time (21st) to mentally prepare myself, not really expecting too much, or so I thought.

After a short few days with family, several short conversations with my mom and sister, I departed on the Amtrak out of Newton for the 10 hour rail ride. Having only brought one book, my journal, my bible and my phone with me, I didn't give myself a way to be entertained while traveling. I did too much thinking, creating my own time line of when I would enter, because of course, I was going to like it at Mount Grace Convent. 

This cloistered missionary order maintains perpetual adoration, sings all seven of the Liturgy of the Hours, which anyone can participate in, but never cross the grail. They have a rule of silence, though may speak about their tasks, and converse casually only during the recreation hour near the end of the day. I spoke one-on-one with Mother and the vocation director several times, ate my meals with the chaplain and spent much time in solitude and prayer. After 24 hours, I was convinced this way of life is too radical for me, and I was ready to go home. My train didn't depart for another 24 hours, however. That evening, I heard vocation stories from the three youngest sisters, each of which I could relate to in a particular way. One story about convinced me I indeed had a vocation to the order, making it difficult for me to sleep that evening. My final day I shared that the Pink Sisters were not for me, not right now, with Mother, who appeared a slight disappointed, but very understanding, reminding me I cannot discern forever.  Also, you cannot fake or pretend a vocation.

My greatest feeling of peace during the experience came when it was time for me to depart. I could share countless thoughts that went through my brain, but will reserve those for anyone who wishes to ask me in person.One thought, on my train ride home, was, "Why Lord did you create humans?" I know there is such great capacity for love, but great capacity for hurt and suffering. However, I had not had many recent experiences of the great love that comes with being human. God is good, for that very next evening and the following two days, I found myself in the midst of great friends celebrating the very Sacrament that so readily foreshadows the heavenly marriage feast. It was so much love, almost too much to take in. Almost an over-dose of community before being submerged into another semester of teaching. 

I was unable to meet with Father until the 7th, but had spoken with a few dear friends about my experience. After the spiritual direction, I felt immense peace traipsing off to Wichita for a meeting. Afterwards, I stopped by several stores, leaving each one empty handed. It was at this time that I understood that my discernment is not complete. What that means exactly, I have yet to find out, though I have more clarity about myself and how I desire to serve the Lord.

If God is calling you, you have permission to visit an order and find out more about who Christ is, your relationship with Him, and yourself. May God Bless you and keep you. In the words of ArchBishop Fulton Sheen, "What is good [about the post] comes from God. What is lacking, comes from me," for I feel it is inadequate before I click publish.

These Things Take Time

As I begin this post, I have put this song, by Santus Real, on repeat, until my thoughts are expressed, at least those God wishes me to share.

"And I wonder why, some times the truth ain't easy to find. I want to know all the answers, but I'm learnin' that these things take time."

Several times over, I feel as though I've begun to mention or note that life takes time. Learning to be myself in a classroom, has taken time. Learning better classroom management and discipline, has taken time. Learning that it is more than okay to say no to my students, multiple days in the same day, has taken time. Understanding financial management, has taken time. Understanding professional relationships are different from family or friend relationships, has taken time. Understanding that I am a sensitive soul, understanding how to take constructive criticism when everything seems to be going wrong, finding the positives in the day, keeping weekends free from work, understanding myself, my gifts, how God is gently nudging me along to learn and understand lesson after lesson, some times on repeat because I don't get it the first time. Learning to develop good eating habits, despite my apathy towards cooking for one. Establishing an effective exercise routine. The list is endless. It all takes time.

"I want to know my pain makes me stronger. I wanna know why good men die. Why am I so afraid of the dark, but I stray from the light. 

I wanna know why you gave me eyes, when faith is how I see. Tell me is it easier to doubt or harder to believe?"

Pain does make us stronger, though it can hurt like heck in the moment. Why do good men die -  to get to heaven. Why is it that I'm afraid to be without Christ, the light of the world, but so reluctant at times to turn back to Him for answers? Christ is how God reveals Himself to us, making the invisible, visible.

"How can success make us feel like failures, and the harder we fall the harder we try. (Why do I try to do so much by myself, when I can do nothing without He who gives me/is my strength?) The more I have, the more I need to feel just like I'm getting by. So many questions in one short life. 

We spend so much time, chasing our tails, hoping to find, every last answer, to everything in life. So many questions, not enough time."

My seventh graders and I were talking about personal growth the other day. (Yes a bit abstract for their concrete minds, but enlightening, none the less.) It was amazing to me how they already value youth so much. Several noted that they didn't really ever want to grow old, or live to be the age where they would live in a nursing home.

I've noticed my own hesitation towards continuing to grow older (as if I could stop it from happening). I want to either rush life and get to a point where things are not quite so difficult, fall victim to a fatal illness and offer my sufferings for the salvation of souls (only if God wills such, but I doubt I am strong enough to endure such trials and tribulations), or reach a point to where I  understand life. The purpose of life is to love as God loves. I know I have a long ways to go to reach this point. I leave you with this excerpt from the Imitation of Christ: Book 3, Chapter 47

That all grievous things are to be endured for life everlasting

Son, let not your labors which you have undertaken for My sake crush you, neither let tribulations from whatever source, cast you down, but in every occurrence let My promise strengthen and console you. I am sufficient in recompense to you beyond all bounds and measures. It is not long you have to labor here, nor will you always be oppressed with sorrows. Wait a little while and you shall see a speedy end of suffering.

I realize my perception of time is really skewed. Lord, grant me patience and understanding. p.s. I am really not quite as bitter as I might come across in this post, for I have gained much peach in kneeling down to pray a rosary this evening, as opposed to my typical rosary while driving.

Single and Serving

Like most young women, I wonder when it will be my time to enter into my true Vocation, that of married or religious. While I patiently and sometimes not so patiently wait on the Lord to give me direction, I have recognized the opportunities to serve as a single person. 

First, I am blessed to give my time and gifts to my occupation as an agricultural educator. A teacher's work day is not simply from 7:30-3:30, five days a week, but so much more.

Secondly, to be a part of the Teens Encounter Christ movement of the Wichita Diocese. This movement, for older adolescents and young adults was founded in 1965 by Fr. Matthew Fedewa and Dorothe Gereke in the Diocese of Lansing, Michigan. TEC stems from Cursillo and strives to invite young people to engage in the ideal of the Paschal Mystery spirituality. Wichita hosts four retreats every year and is guided by a Core group of individuals to maintain purpose and Catholicity. I am blessed to serve as a member of TEC Core. 

The Wichita Diocese will soon have a new way to reach out to young adults, in particular those in their 20s and 30s. While I do not have an official role in this movement, Charis Ministries is a Jesuit ministry for this age group. Wichita will host its first Seekers retreat February 24-26. I hope to attend these retreats and serve the young adult community of the Wichita Diocese in the coming years. 

If you have ever had a conversation with me, it is likely that I have mentioned Prayer and Action to you. In summer 2010, I was blessed to serve along side five incredible individuals for the mission trip in your backyard with almost 300 youth in the Salina Diocese. Through the intercession of St. Philomena, Prayer and Action will make its debut in the Wichita Diocese summer 2012. Please pray for this movement, and myself, an unworthy servant to partake in the pioneer team. 

Ultimately, my goal is not to boast of the ways in which I am called to be a leader in several movements or boast of my busy-ness. The purpose of this post is to note that were I attached to a significant other, it would hinder my freedom to serve in such a capacity. Thus if you are still among the single folk, perhaps the Lord is calling you to serve His Church in a greater capacity than that in which you currently find yourself.

Tangent - From time to time, I happen to mention to my students that I don't pay for any form of televised networks, thus spend almost no time watching tv. So what do I do with my time, is often the question posed to me. I wonder this myself. Where does my time go? While there are the a fore mentioned ways to serve, when you live by yourself, you must also commit time to prayer, cooking, eating, cleaning, sleeping, personal hygiene, social/community time, solitude, reading (leisure, spiritual, intellectual, etc.) running errands, hobbies (crochet in my case), and exercise (I still could stand to improve in this area). How do we have time for tv with all else we must do?

The single life is a time in which we are called to learn more about ourselves, solidify our identities as sons or daughters of God, and discern our gifts and the ways in which we are called to use them for the good of all. God Bless you in your growth and understanding.

St. Rita of Cascia

When I finally chose which local parish to become a parishioner at, in June, after six months of living in the area, I chose one that had two statues on its main alter: St. Teresa of Avila on the right and St. Rita of Cascia on the left. I hardly acknowledged the one on the left until pointed out to me by Sara in one of her visits. "That's St. Rita, right?" I hadn't given it much thought. "Tell me about St. Rita," I told Sara. Sara proceeded to enlighten me. I since have learned more, and have more to learn, but yet feel prompted to make this saint more well know.

St. Rita (1381-1457) was an only child, granted to a very charitable couple. While she wished to become a religious, her parents wished her to marry, at which she responded with obedience, betrothing a man picked by her parents. The marriage proved to be a rough one, to a cruel and harsh being. Her prayers converted him. She was widowed with two boys, who also died (she prayed they would die rather than commit the sin of revenge on those who killed their father). Though refused entry at first, St. Rita entered the Augustinian order and become known for her austerity, devotion to prayer and charity. She endured wounds on her forehead resemble the crown of thorns. She is the patron of hopeless or impossible causes, victims of abuse, sickness, loneliness, parenthood and widows. Her feast day is May 22.

"Nothing is impossible to God." ~ St. Rita

Degree of Beauty

Hi. Happy 2012. It's been awhile. I've had plenty of opportunity to muse over numerous topics of late, and have opted to share this one. The first of what I hope is several in the coming weeks.

Two weeks ago, I was blessed to have two close friends stay with me, and then stop by to see my classroom on my teacher workday before parting ways. That Monday morning, I had opted not to put on make-up. Not simply because I didn't feel like it, or that I wouldn't be seeing people all day. I opted not to because my face was clearer and had more vibrancy than typical that Monday morning. I admit I thought for a moment about my tactics of face washing or the few other days over break I had not worn make-up, but was unable to come to any real conclusions about why my face looked so good that day. The friends even commented to me about it. (*Note* I'm not trying to say that I'm overly blessed with a pleasing appearance, and this has a point, I promise.) I simply had a seemingly unusual glow about myself. 

This morning, however, was a completely different story. As I looked in the mirror prior to heading off to mass this morning, I knew I needed to cover up the splotchiness to make myself more presentable to the Lord. At different points throughout the day, I allowed myself to ponder, what was different about two weeks ago from today?

This past week, I'm almost certain I got too much sleep as I was extra tired. There was not a single morning where I did not fall back asleep for anywhere from 20-60 minutes after initially waking up. I was hoping to be more intentional about morning mental prayer and meditation before starting my days. I gave in to the temptations to rest just a while longer, limiting my focus and attention to morning prayers. Nor was I able to make it to a weekday mass this week. By yesterday evening, I was exhausted. Attending Sunday mass was a bit odd, simply in the fact that it had been a full seven days since I was last blessed to physically receive Christ in the Eucharist. These first two weeks back to school were packed with home basketball games, requiring my time as bookkeeper or concessions manager for several hours each of those evenings. I cannot imagine how worn out the coaches and players are, as I was this past week. Finally I have come to a point where I can breathe and rest. There are no scheduled busy evenings this coming week. Praise the Lord. 

So what was the deal with the last few days over break? I think I have put my thumb on it, in that I was blessed to attend daily mass for seven of the eight days prior to the Monday teacher work day, in addition to numerous hours of adoration, time spent with those who build me up in faith, whether at one of two nuptial celebrations or a small gathering of friends, and much rest. Thus, I credit my "glow," my degree of beauty, that Monday morning to having received One whom I love, and having spent time with those who I love. The more time we spend with Christ, the more we receive Christ, the more we become like Christ, radiating His fragrance and His glow. How humbled am I to acknowledge this in myself, and am grateful that the experience is rare, lest I grow conceited. Though I do continue to long to have reception of the Eucharist a more regular staple of my week, for I know He gives me strength and further enables me to be an instrument of grace and peace in the lives of my students and colleagues. God Bless you and keep you.