Being Childlike

One of the many lessons learned while spending my five weeks with the Missionaries of Charity was being childlike. The virtue of being childlike is that of obedience, or in the case of the consecrated religious, it is a vow they take. There is grace to be had in obedience. 

The homeless shelter that the MCs operate is a night shelter for women and children. One evening, when it was time for lights out and the ladies continued to talk, Sr. Marie opted to give the ladies a catechesis lesson in conforming ourselves to God's will. Responding to a question one of the ladies asked, she explained that when we have a question we should take it to prayer, study scripture, etc. But ultimately, she explained how when we obey, there is grace. Knowing now there is grace in obedience, there were numerous occasions where I felt very childlike, some times because of my poor choices, other times because of my lack of understanding, and others because I was given the grace to recognize that I am child of God. 

One evening, when I was still learning the schedule, I opted to pray Vespers by myself. Fortunately, Sr. Mercita noticed what I was doing and said in a stern but loving voice, "Divine Office will be at 7:30." She continued to look at me until I closed my breviary. Leaving, I felt like I had been kicked out of the chapel. A short while later, I found myself outside reading Abandonment to Divine Providence. It was a small change of heart, but the prayers with Srs. proved to be even more fruitful than it would have been by myself. And I needed to read from that book that evening. 

Any time I had to carry out or live out the rules of the shelter in regards to how I served the ladies was tough, as the rules weren't my own and I didn't understand the reasoning behind some of them. I was chastised a little and in a loving way for returning cell phones to the ladies five minutes too soon. Other times, I just forgot to remind the ladies of the rules, especially in regards to clean-up, laundry and dishes, because I wasn't yet used to them. 

On many occasions, I felt like a little kid when interacting with, serving beside, or talking to one of the MC sisters. They themselves have such childlike humility and obedience, one can't help but to experience it through them. Whether they were explaining something new to me, or something I had already heard from another sister.

From my journal: "I was such a child this morning. After setting out breakfast for the ladies and having heard the doorbell ring twice, as I was sweeping the floor of my room, I said in my mind, 'if mass time has changed, someone better tell me.' A short while later, Sr. Marie was calling my name. As I got to the chapel, I looked at my schedule to realize that the Wednesday morning mass is always at 6:30 instead of 7:00. Humbled."  God responded to my request, though I'm not so sure I deserved it. 

Another excerpt: "I'm such a little kid. I'm so eager to share myself with the sisters in many ways. This evening, for instance, I was responding to a letter that had been written to me on a Buca di Beppo menu, to which had been afixed a picture of the person's family and a Blessed Teresa of Calcutta holy card with a note "Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, guide Jackie." I had opted to spend that portion of my evening in the sacristy, the quietest place I could find in the shelter, honestly with hopes of being able to show one of the sisters should they happen to walk in..."

One of the volunteers with whom I spent one of my Fridays expressed to me the beauty of the vow of obedience. "To be told to do something, to stop what you are doing and go do it..." In some ways it is a freedom to not have to make your own decisions. Vita, the volunteer, also expressed how we should be obedient to the sisters when we are at the shelter or the soup kitchen and working with, for, and beside them. 

At one point in my experience, I was the pester-some child, asking God, "Why? But why? How? But How?" Have you even been or seen that little kid asking, "Why daddy, why?"

One Thursday evening, a couple of times I attempted to go to the chapel, but the door was locked. Thinking there had to be some reason, I decided I would not say night prayer with sisters, but would go ahead a get some sleep. Fortunately, Sr. Romero had come to give a new set of sheets to one of the ladies, during which she asked if I was coming to prayer, and invited me to join them for adoration from 11-12 that night. "Going to the chapel, I felt like I was-had been childish with a loved one, and was coming to make up or admit my fault." 

"How do you give Jesus love to love? By your confidence in Him." - I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee

"I think little children pleases their parents as much when they sleep as when they are awake." - St. Therese of Lisieux

"When we say: Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, we are asking him to make us obedient so that his will may be done in us as it is done in heaven by his angels."

Finally, I leave you with this prayer, in hopes that you, too, will grow in childlikeness and obedience. 

St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face: Teach us to follow your way of confidence and trust. Help us to realize that a Father's love watches over us each day of our lives. Give us your own faith and trust, so that we may walk in darkness as in the light, holding fast to the way of love, knowing as you did, that everything is grace. 

The Cost of Economy

is charity. How so? Let me explain.

An email is more efficient, but a letter sent by snail mail is so much more meaningful, especially if hand-written.

I'm not really coming up with any other examples at present. But think of situations or tasks by which something is made more efficient or cost effective. Now consider if that same situation or task eliminates time spent with another person, building character, or even the creation of something unique or original. 

In working alongside one of the volunteers who consistently help the Missionaries of Charity, she mentioned that Sisters are guided by charity not economy. The choice of love over the easy or cheap way. Hmm. 

Now dictionary.com defines charity as "benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity" As Christians, we know that charity, or love, is the third and greatest theological virtue.  A lot of people will consider charity to be that monetary gift to a group, organization, or even individual in need. But I challenge you to think of charity as the gift given without expecting anything in return. This gift can be in the form of time, talent, treasure, or material items.  I learned the hard way, awhile back, that one will be quickly disappointed if they expect all their acts of generosity, love, or even kindness to be reciprocated. 

Let's think in terms of the economy. I don't want to discredit means of mass production. There is a lot of benefit to it. But at what point do we begin to create junk in the name of cost effectiveness? How much better would our personal creations be - movies, photos, paintings, stories, music, etc - if we weren't used to so many replicas? The reasons originals cost so much is because they are that - originals. Handcrafted furniture is an example I can think of by which a person lives charity (goodwill toward humanity) by creating it, and in that they are hopefully living the authentic call of God's will. 

The cost of economy is also laziness. We often will choose the easy means over the quality and right means to accomplish a task or do what is needed. I'm guilty of this darn near every day, though on the farm, I've learned, this usually quickly back fires on you. An example (non-farm) would be what my family terms cardboard (frozen) pizza. It's not near as good as the hand made kinds but it sure is quick. 

How hindered are our relationships because we choose to communicate via text, e-mail, and occasionally, phone call? What would be the value of actually driving a distance to visit a friend, especially if a significant distance? Now I'll be the first to admit that I've been blessed with an abundance of freedom at present (that comes with its own cost), and have utilized a lot of that time to drive and visit a few friends here and there. Do we all have the freedom to do this? No. But it sure means a lot to a person when you do. 

Do you get my drift? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? I think this post is mostly a bunch of ramblings about some thing I might claim to know something about. As Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen would say, if there is anything good in this [post], it is of God. If there is anything terrible, it is of me. 

Even in need of His great mercy. God Bless.

Laity are Called to Be Holy, Too

"Are you sure you don't have a vocation to the religious life? It's a great life and would be worth it."

May God be praised. In the four weeks that I've been on the farm after my time spent in St. Louis, I've come to more fully process my experience, and as my spiritual director said, I've begun to learn how to listen to my heart. 

Time and time again, people have told me they sense I have a religious vocation. Thank you. But, also, no thank you. I'm not saying people shouldn't say that or that we should not encourage people to consider religious life. I'm saying that I let what other people say and think about me affect what I thought about myself and my vocation. We have to learn to distinguish between the voices we hear: God's, ours, the world's, and the devil's. Do we listen to the voice, correct the voice, or rebuke the voice? (simple lesson in spiritual direction...)

Yes, I can and am closing the door on discerning religious orders. I am called to live with a depth of holiness in the world. I think the reason so many people encouraged me towards the religious life is because, by God's grace and many gifts, I have a faith, a spirituality, a prayer life that is deeper than many people, so much so that it is odd or intimidating to them. Okay. So be it. It is not of my own accord, but by the will of God that I have been blessed so, and that He has given me the grace to accept it. Through many experiences, talks, conversations, and prayer, I've come to realize that just because you are called deeper into prayer and spirituality doesn't mean you are called to be a priest or religious. We need that kind of holiness in our laity. If you are prompted or think you are called, it does not hurt to check out a religious vocation.

The very first statement of this post is some thing that was said to me yesterday morning, by a priest I had just met. It once again made me question my vocation. Just a week prior, I had been so absolutely certain. The uncertainty continued to bug me a bit throughout the day. In the environment I was in, a CLAY retreat, I saw another laity, a father of four, striving to include the liturgy of the hours in his day. It was a reminder that that's the kind of holiness I want to strive for. Finally, on my drive home last night, I was once again certain that pursuing the religious vocation would not be following my own heart and the authentic me God is calling me to be, rather it would be following the expectations of the people around me.

The secular life of laity does not have to be an unholier life. Laity are called to be holy, too. 

St. Maria and St. Isidore, pray for us. 

Blessed Louis and Zélie Martin, pray for us.
Blessed Maria and Luigi Beltrame Quattrocchi, pray for us.