These Things Take Time

As I begin this post, I have put this song, by Santus Real, on repeat, until my thoughts are expressed, at least those God wishes me to share.

"And I wonder why, some times the truth ain't easy to find. I want to know all the answers, but I'm learnin' that these things take time."

Several times over, I feel as though I've begun to mention or note that life takes time. Learning to be myself in a classroom, has taken time. Learning better classroom management and discipline, has taken time. Learning that it is more than okay to say no to my students, multiple days in the same day, has taken time. Understanding financial management, has taken time. Understanding professional relationships are different from family or friend relationships, has taken time. Understanding that I am a sensitive soul, understanding how to take constructive criticism when everything seems to be going wrong, finding the positives in the day, keeping weekends free from work, understanding myself, my gifts, how God is gently nudging me along to learn and understand lesson after lesson, some times on repeat because I don't get it the first time. Learning to develop good eating habits, despite my apathy towards cooking for one. Establishing an effective exercise routine. The list is endless. It all takes time.

"I want to know my pain makes me stronger. I wanna know why good men die. Why am I so afraid of the dark, but I stray from the light. 

I wanna know why you gave me eyes, when faith is how I see. Tell me is it easier to doubt or harder to believe?"

Pain does make us stronger, though it can hurt like heck in the moment. Why do good men die -  to get to heaven. Why is it that I'm afraid to be without Christ, the light of the world, but so reluctant at times to turn back to Him for answers? Christ is how God reveals Himself to us, making the invisible, visible.

"How can success make us feel like failures, and the harder we fall the harder we try. (Why do I try to do so much by myself, when I can do nothing without He who gives me/is my strength?) The more I have, the more I need to feel just like I'm getting by. So many questions in one short life. 

We spend so much time, chasing our tails, hoping to find, every last answer, to everything in life. So many questions, not enough time."

My seventh graders and I were talking about personal growth the other day. (Yes a bit abstract for their concrete minds, but enlightening, none the less.) It was amazing to me how they already value youth so much. Several noted that they didn't really ever want to grow old, or live to be the age where they would live in a nursing home.

I've noticed my own hesitation towards continuing to grow older (as if I could stop it from happening). I want to either rush life and get to a point where things are not quite so difficult, fall victim to a fatal illness and offer my sufferings for the salvation of souls (only if God wills such, but I doubt I am strong enough to endure such trials and tribulations), or reach a point to where I  understand life. The purpose of life is to love as God loves. I know I have a long ways to go to reach this point. I leave you with this excerpt from the Imitation of Christ: Book 3, Chapter 47

That all grievous things are to be endured for life everlasting

Son, let not your labors which you have undertaken for My sake crush you, neither let tribulations from whatever source, cast you down, but in every occurrence let My promise strengthen and console you. I am sufficient in recompense to you beyond all bounds and measures. It is not long you have to labor here, nor will you always be oppressed with sorrows. Wait a little while and you shall see a speedy end of suffering.

I realize my perception of time is really skewed. Lord, grant me patience and understanding. p.s. I am really not quite as bitter as I might come across in this post, for I have gained much peach in kneeling down to pray a rosary this evening, as opposed to my typical rosary while driving.