This morning, I began to dwell on the monotony of my days. Granted they have only been regular, similar days for the past week and a half or so. This monotony kind of bugs me, in some ways. I'm more annoyed by having to sleep, pray, do chores, read, wash, eat, pray, do chores, eat, read/browse blogs and articles, paint, pray, do chores, clean up, cook, eat, do dishes, pray and sleep. Yet, there is good to creating routine. If we had to do something only once, would it develop within us habits or a duty of love?
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am often hard on myself, which tends to be my source of stress. In fact, one of my dear brothers in Christ recently stated, 'time to be relieved of the "stress you've caused yourself" ' or something along those lines. He was speaking of a commitment I had almost gotten myself into that was obviously not something I was at peace about. It was good for taking a look at myself. (In terms of growing in knowledge of self, check out this blog.)
I digress. One of the ways in which I have been hard on myself is my coffee drinking habit. It's not something I have to have, though I think I rely on it more than I should. It might be one of the things that contribute to my remote apathy and attitude towards life as it being somewhat of a drudgery. I'm really not as pessimistic as I sound at present, only at times.
After the Office of Readings this morning, some of the comments in the writings of St. Rose of Lima gave me more hope than I've had for the last several weeks.
“Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know
that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the
height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase."
Of course this makes sense. As I said before, this gave me hope. I really feel like I've been duped by the temptations of the devil of late, especially temptations of distraction from acting upon that which God is calling me to do. It's been exhausting, and I've about beaten myself up because of it. But in my humanness (blessed be God), I am humbled that I must rely upon God and his infinite grace to endure, to overcome, and to carry on.
After mass this morning, I treated myself to a cup of coffee, something I denied myself yesterday. The smell was welcoming and enjoyable, and is usually better than the very sugary and fattening cup of creamer with a taste of coffee that I usually divulge in. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Rather, I saw it as something to be enjoyed.
A final note: I've been curious about the meaning of an anchor in terms of Christianity. St. Rose of Lime, St. Philomena, St. Clement are three saints depicted with an anchor. One meaning is that of a seafaring profession, the other that of HOPE. Hope, like an anchor. Hmm. I'll leave you this to muse one. Christ's peace. And enjoy the reading below.
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From the writings of Saint Rose of Lima, virgin
(Ad medicum Castillo: edit. L. Getino, La Patrona de America, madrid 1928, pp. 54-55)
Let us know the love of Christ which surpasses all understanding
Our Lord and Savior lifted up his voice and said with incomparable majesty: “Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase. Let men take care not to stray and be deceived. This is the only true stairway to paradise, and without the cross they can find no road to climb to heaven.”
When I heard these words, a strong force came upon me and seemed to place me in the middle of a street, so that I might say in a loud voice to people of every age, sex and status: “Hear, O people; hear, O nations. I am warning you about the commandment of Christ by using words that came from his own lips: We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul.”
That same force strongly urged me to proclaim the beauty of divine grace. It pressed me so that my breath came slow and forced me to sweat and pant. I felt as if my soul could no longer be kept in the prison of the body, but that it had burst its chains and was free and alone and was going very swiftly through the whole world saying:
“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace. This is the reward and the final gain of patience. No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men.”
(Ad medicum Castillo: edit. L. Getino, La Patrona de America, madrid 1928, pp. 54-55)
Let us know the love of Christ which surpasses all understanding
Our Lord and Savior lifted up his voice and said with incomparable majesty: “Let all men know that grace comes after tribulation. Let them know that without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. Let them know that the gifts of grace increase as the struggles increase. Let men take care not to stray and be deceived. This is the only true stairway to paradise, and without the cross they can find no road to climb to heaven.”
When I heard these words, a strong force came upon me and seemed to place me in the middle of a street, so that I might say in a loud voice to people of every age, sex and status: “Hear, O people; hear, O nations. I am warning you about the commandment of Christ by using words that came from his own lips: We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul.”
That same force strongly urged me to proclaim the beauty of divine grace. It pressed me so that my breath came slow and forced me to sweat and pant. I felt as if my soul could no longer be kept in the prison of the body, but that it had burst its chains and was free and alone and was going very swiftly through the whole world saying:
“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace. This is the reward and the final gain of patience. No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men.”
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