Be Patient With Me, God Isn't Finished Yet

I don't know where I first heard this phrase. In a quick google, I learned it is the title of a book, but I didn't look much further.

This has been a strong message in the recent weeks. Adapting to the new school year has been a challenge. I was hopeful that one semester of teaching had prepared me for much of what was to come along next. Nope. Not hardly. Summer was nothing compared to my summers with Totus Tuus and Prayer and Action, but it still spoiled me with having little to absolutely need to accomplish each day and setting about my own schedule with little accountability to anyone. The school year has been so much different. Adjusting has been difficult.

"Be stern, Jackie." "You can always lighten up later, but you can never get tougher." These were some of the common phrases I heard throughout the first two weeks of school. "Those boys will push." And indeed, my shop boys push for freedom. In addition to still learning the ropes of being an agricultural educator and FFA advisor, I hopped on board as assistant volleyball coach, filling my schedule with several hours each week of practice, matches, travel and tournaments. I get to see a way different group of students and hopefully are enticing some to consider an agriculture class next year.

A few unexpected reprimands from an administrator (nothing extreme, but enough to challenge one to shape up), feeling blind to how I was really doing as a teacher, and having little time for me, I was struggling. The Friday before labor day, I found the janitor who cleans my room present before I got away for the evening. Her words were encouraging. "Don't give up, Jackie. Never give up." We concluded that coaching is going to help me improve in toughness. That conversation was followed by my finding a slightly unpleasant letter in my school mailbox. What a great start to a three-day weekend...

Moms are such a blessing. While there are few occasions where mom and I have some good heart to hearts, Sunday was one of those occasions. It was a great conversation, though I may have shed numerous tears and caused mom to shed some as well. Between that and a conversation with my spiritual director, I realized that I was expecting too much of myself. Somehow, I was prompted to put the title of this post as my profile status before even meeting with Father. "If you were the fourth person of the Holy Trinity you could accomplish more, but you're not." Humbling conversations, even more humbling reprimands. 

God doesn't rush things, so why do we? It's our human nature to expect instant results or gratification. In reality, things don't work that way. So I've lightened up a little, and have allowed the semester to begin to take care of itself, in some ways. I'm adjusting to a better sleeping schedule (to sleep earlier and up earlier). I'm working on the regular exercise thing (though colder weather tends to hinder my running outdoors). I'm giving myself a break when I don't have everything graded and returned to my students within the week. I'm okay with 'winging it' from day to day, but trust that I will learn from my mistakes and still improve everyday. I've learned that my state of life does not allow for daily mass, not really even once a week, and I'm about over the heartache of such, learning to see Christ present without the Eucharist every day. In the past nine months, my financial management has improved tremendously, and hopefully will continue. These things take time. As will the revealing of His will for me and for you.

We've got a lifetime of learning to imitate Christ, journeying towards our heavenly home. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Aww-spiration.