"Brothers and sisters:
Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
For to me life is Christ, and death is gain.
If I go on living in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.
And I do not know which I shall choose.
I am caught between the two.
I long to depart this life and be with Christ,
for that is far better.
Yet that I remain in the flesh
is more necessary for your benefit."
Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
For to me life is Christ, and death is gain.
If I go on living in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.
And I do not know which I shall choose.
I am caught between the two.
I long to depart this life and be with Christ,
for that is far better.
Yet that I remain in the flesh
is more necessary for your benefit."
Philippians 1:20-24
Tonight, as I reread through today's Mass readings, there is a piece in this passage that catches my attention. While I do seek to go to heaven to be with Christ, there is a more earthly comparison I would like to make in reference to this piece of scripture.
As many of you know, I am on a roller-coaster of a journey in spiritual and vocational discernment. I would like to say that my highs and lows go with summer and school, respectively, but that is not always the case. I learn about the depths and the beauty of the religious vocation and soon find myself still considering the idea of married life. Regardless of which one I shall choose, in time, my current vocation is to love the people present in my life. Here is a quote from a dear friend, and former teammate. I feel like I may have posted this before, but instead of referencing that post, I'll share again. I know I have to learn most lessons more than once.
"The world's vocation is to love. All of our vocations are to love. We are to sacrifice for one another, and not expect anything in return. What we seek, though, is the role of love that we are supposed to play. Whether this is as a religious or as a rock in a family, we have to discern God's will. But we shouldn't expect God to bend to our timeline. No, we discern in our daily lives. We show that we trust in Him by living the best we can, in the situation we are in now. We don't plan our vocation... we live it out."
And I keep planning, which distracts me from just living. I'm continuing to learn more about myself and my strengths, often trying to guess where they would be better put to use. I am definitely gaining a unique skill set as an educator, advisor and coach. These skills will be put to proper use in His time. Even this afternoon, I was leaning towards the idea of remaining present in the world as His instrument, which would be "necessary for your benefit." Yet, as I drove away from being present with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was reminded of my longings to be rid of the worldly desires that can so often distract me from Christ. But is that the evil one taunting me? Mamma Mary, keep me in your care.
Thus "I do not know which one I shall choose. I long to depart this life and be with Christ, for that is far better." I seek to be in a cloister, as His bride. But I also seek to remain present, "living in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me... Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit." For I trust there is many ways He can use me, even without my consent. Pax.
"The world's vocation is to love. All of our vocations are to love. We are to sacrifice for one another, and not expect anything in return. What we seek, though, is the role of love that we are supposed to play. Whether this is as a religious or as a rock in a family, we have to discern God's will. But we shouldn't expect God to bend to our timeline. No, we discern in our daily lives. We show that we trust in Him by living the best we can, in the situation we are in now. We don't plan our vocation... we live it out."
And I keep planning, which distracts me from just living. I'm continuing to learn more about myself and my strengths, often trying to guess where they would be better put to use. I am definitely gaining a unique skill set as an educator, advisor and coach. These skills will be put to proper use in His time. Even this afternoon, I was leaning towards the idea of remaining present in the world as His instrument, which would be "necessary for your benefit." Yet, as I drove away from being present with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was reminded of my longings to be rid of the worldly desires that can so often distract me from Christ. But is that the evil one taunting me? Mamma Mary, keep me in your care.
Thus "I do not know which one I shall choose. I long to depart this life and be with Christ, for that is far better." I seek to be in a cloister, as His bride. But I also seek to remain present, "living in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me... Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit." For I trust there is many ways He can use me, even without my consent. Pax.
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