Living very close to the football field, I was in some ways able to watch tonight's game from my living room couch. Honestly, I didn't pay all that much attention. Quiet time by myself is rare, and this was an opportunity I did not want to miss.
In the time since working on the Prayer and Action staff, I have been blessed to be reading a chapter or two a day in some excellent books. From time to time, I would miss a day, but was pretty persistent, so long as I was reading the same two books. Since then, however, I picked up another book or two, and have not been so persistent. Recognizing my need for quiet, prayer, and meditation, I opted to not be social this evening.
One of the books I am in the midst of is called, "The Soul of the Apostolate." It's one of those books where everything you read, when you read it, applies directly to your current life situation. Tonight's chapter: "The Active Worker Who Has No Interior Life." In a vague synopsis, an active individual is so convinced that they are doing good works, that they keep so busy with their works that they neglect their prayer and interior life. After a broad explanation, the chapter proceeds to break down the steps of the depth of the fall of such a person. It was like looking in a mirror. I'm in the midst of the THIRD STAGE. Allow me to enlighten you, so that you may learn from my faults.
"First Stage: The soul began by progressively losing the clarity and power (if ever it had any at all) of its convictions about the supernatural life, the supernatural world, and the economy of the plan and of the action of Our Lord with regard to the relation between the interior life of the apostle and his works." Loosing sight or original purpose to be the servant of Christ... Tepidity (luke-warmness or half-heartedness) is close at hand.
Second Stage: being a slave to a schedule, cutting out pious exercises, shortening meditation time or making it irregular, improvising instead of preparing, late nights that cause late mornings and neglect of prayer time, 'too busy-tired or lazy to for serious mental prayer from which one might draw energy and drive for his day's work,' ... etc. "St. Alphonsus says, "Short of a miracle, a man who does not practice mental prayer will end up in mortal sin."
There are more good quotes about those who live without mental prayer.
So I find myself with all the symptoms of stage two in the process of this depth of falling, as well as those of state three.
Third Stage: neglect in the recitation of the BREVIARY... prays in a rush... fervor for acts is beginning to dry up...
And frightfully symptoms of the Fourth State are sprinkled here and there throughout my days and my weeks. Note, the longer it has been since I went to confession, the more the symptoms of these various stages appear in my life, and the more susceptible I am to temptations.
As I was beginning to fall asleep during my reflection - reading - meditation time, I figured I ought to pray Night Prayer before I find myself conked out and having not prayed it. I'm sure I didn't really want to pray it, and did a poor job of not being distracted, the prayer allotted me the grace to stay alert long enough to type out these two posts and tackle a few other to-dos this evening.
Keep meditation and mental prayer a part of your day, or start if you don't already. Read one chapter of something religious or spiritual each day, around the same time each day. Allow your schedule to be changed by the Holy Spirit. Find a balance of contemplation and works. And don't neglect the contemplation. Don't believe the lies that you don't have time. Contemplation, prayer, meditation is what gives you the energy and the drive to accomplish the works and the action.
Thank you for all of those who are praying for me and have shared the merits I was to receive to be able to recognize the current state of my interior life and balance between prayer and action. Peace in Christ to you.
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